‘Brown Dust’s (now renamed to Brave Nine) Kiria. Hope you didn’t think the other bingos we did for this game were the worst they got! 

Based on her description blurb, I think she is an ex-patrol guard in an empire, turned…. assassin? Which her design definitely communicates. Um. She’s the “black scorpion” which is on her scarf. And her entire ass being out I guess communicates her… desire for justice being loud and clear. Or something. I’m also not super sure how her ass is turned 90 without the rest of her leg rotating also… We’ll chalk it up to ninja powers.

And this is the less ridiculous (though not by much)  version of her. Behold, the “improved” version!

The only thing that got an upgrade is that scorpion hood, and it doesn’t even look that good.

-Icy

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@thegreqtlilac​ submitted (and Ozzie bingo’d):

To be completely honest, Summoners War probably has way worse cases of terrible female armor if you go through their monster collection, but what’s worse about this one is that she is the reward for getting through the second scenario area of the game, which means EVERYONE has her, so you have to see this monstrosity all the time. 

I always feel so weird about the clash of chibi AND “sexy” aesthetic. Trying to have a cake and eat it too.
There’s really not much to add about the costume itself, other than this being too painfully generic to even register. BUT it did strike a rare diagonal bingo, so congrats to Summoners War, I guess?
I am sorry for all the players who are subjected to multiple copies of this running around inside the game. 

Thank you for the submission! 

~Ozzie

denilsonsa submitted and Icy bingo’d:

Bingo-worthy, shows how male and female characters are not treated equally. The contrast is very clear at this game cover art, and it summarizes bikiniarmorbattledamage in one picture.

Y-yeah it sure does…. ughh

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Honestly, what is even the point? You might as well be naked, going into battle looking like that. She doesn’t even look like she belongs in the setting. Also for people not in the know, this is NOT a dating sim where you’re a stud (?) with long flowing hair who’s looking for a sexy girlfriend. This game is about fighting and conquering for your royal family. With troops that wear bikinis, apparently. Fantasy~

At least the dude (the player character) has some nipple accents on his breastplate to even it out?

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Though personally, I would have just taken away 85% of his armor. When will game devs give the people what they want? 😔

-Icy

earth-to-dragons submitted (and Icy bingo’d):

Could you guys cover something about Angela in the new Trials of Mana game? Ive been playing it but its honestly difficult just because every time I look at her outfits it makes less sense! Although I dont think Riesz is any better…

A spell-caster lady in a video game who dresses for the beach? It’s more likely than you think! This is from the recent remake, where you would think the developers would want to modernize their designs. 

You would think.

The red is her original outfit (pictured above the bingo), which is apparently the outfit a magician from a cold country wears (even though it’s in magical spring, but it’s still described as cold). The blue are added in from her worst class option… the magus.

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Why have nice things when you can cry over the sympathy pains of imagining scale mail on your crotch?

-Icy

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This comic opens with this line, then outlines the brutal deaths of the protagonists parents in a manner plenty of people will find disturbing.  The core plot for this is the protagonist avenging her brother.

So, it’s a little confusing why ever single cover depicts her like one of her like less armoured version of a long forgotten pulp fantasy character. I mean, okay it’s a an improvement on her famous appearance in 1982:

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However at some point, the creators of these things really need to decide if they want them to be a:

  • A light hearted romp full of pulp, cheesecake and beefcake OR
  • A serious and shocking drama story about hatred and revenge

‘Cause this weird thing of wanting to have the 80s pinup camp along with the “we have serious stories” grit really isn’t going to do them any favours.

-wincenworks

From Generic Bikini, to Generic Swashbuckler. What creativity!!

-Icy

@noknightinarmor submitted: 

What class is she? Horrifically Overpowered Titninja?

I love playing Pathfinder, but I don’t understand why someone chose this for the cover…

So I looked up what that book is supposed to be… and it’s a “What not to do” kind of guide. Fair enough, I guess? 

Quote from the publisher’s description:

We’re not suggesting any GM should allow these feats into a campaign. In fact, we advise against it. Seriously, the whole product is called “Horrifically Overpowered Feats,” which seemed like a dead giveaway that we’re not encouraging anyone to use these rules. 

Is the cover also supposed to be a dead giveaway to this being intentionally ridiculous? 🤨 Because straight-up recreating something bad/nonsensical does not yet satire make. Satirizing sexist game art is actually really hard, as @wundergeektaught us

This cover is up there with Macho Women With Guns and Special Forces as something supposedly parodying sexist depictions of warrior women media by pretty unironically reproducing such depictions. 

~Ozzie 

WoW Armor Switch

Like with Saint Seiya Online and Riders of Icarus before, we subjected some armor double standard in Blizzard’s MMORPG classic to a switch of designs between genders. 
After all, if those are supposed to be exactly equal in function, then why not make the dudes show off their flesh? 

Jade Set

This was a relatively laid-back stream. I was actually pretty surprised that we had not tackled WoW in a stream before! I ended up picking the Jade Armor just because of that underboob… it was just taunting me… I had to do it. It wasn’t my fault! Please, don’t–!

So besides switching the outfits between the 2 characters, I also switched their facial expressions! I gave the maaale an attractive, nonthreatening smile, while making the lady more intimidating. I also added the at-this-point Patented Icy Redesign Dick. I mean, if we can’t tell he has a penis, how are we supposed to know he’s a man, Blizzard?? How???

-Icy 

Glorious Set

This change was pretty basic copypasting job with adjustments according to character silhouettes. Bonus change was giving the guy’s cool braids to the lady, as she deserves an interesting haircut as well! 

~Ozzie