‘Brown Dust’s (now renamed to Brave Nine) Kiria. Hope you didn’t think the other bingos we did for this game were the worst they got! 

Based on her description blurb, I think she is an ex-patrol guard in an empire, turned…. assassin? Which her design definitely communicates. Um. She’s the “black scorpion” which is on her scarf. And her entire ass being out I guess communicates her… desire for justice being loud and clear. Or something. I’m also not super sure how her ass is turned 90 without the rest of her leg rotating also… We’ll chalk it up to ninja powers.

And this is the less ridiculous (though not by much)  version of her. Behold, the “improved” version!

The only thing that got an upgrade is that scorpion hood, and it doesn’t even look that good.

-Icy

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@thegreqtlilac​ submitted (and Ozzie bingo’d):

To be completely honest, Summoners War probably has way worse cases of terrible female armor if you go through their monster collection, but what’s worse about this one is that she is the reward for getting through the second scenario area of the game, which means EVERYONE has her, so you have to see this monstrosity all the time. 

I always feel so weird about the clash of chibi AND “sexy” aesthetic. Trying to have a cake and eat it too.
There’s really not much to add about the costume itself, other than this being too painfully generic to even register. BUT it did strike a rare diagonal bingo, so congrats to Summoners War, I guess?
I am sorry for all the players who are subjected to multiple copies of this running around inside the game. 

Thank you for the submission! 

~Ozzie

denilsonsa submitted and Icy bingo’d:

Bingo-worthy, shows how male and female characters are not treated equally. The contrast is very clear at this game cover art, and it summarizes bikiniarmorbattledamage in one picture.

Y-yeah it sure does…. ughh

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Honestly, what is even the point? You might as well be naked, going into battle looking like that. She doesn’t even look like she belongs in the setting. Also for people not in the know, this is NOT a dating sim where you’re a stud (?) with long flowing hair who’s looking for a sexy girlfriend. This game is about fighting and conquering for your royal family. With troops that wear bikinis, apparently. Fantasy~

At least the dude (the player character) has some nipple accents on his breastplate to even it out?

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Though personally, I would have just taken away 85% of his armor. When will game devs give the people what they want? 😔

-Icy

bikiniarmorbattledamage:

Thank you to icykitty for sharing the trauma of a set of armor that may actually be worse than the infamous outfit of Shahde from Prince of Persia.

– wincenworks

I like to think that the all-around badness of

this figure

kinda makes it an unintentional piece of commentary art. As if the designer/sculptor/company behind it was trying to say “You though you saw the worst of sexy female warriors? Nope, they could look like THIS!”.

And it just gets better when you turn it around and consider the anatomy… not only is her whole shoulder clearly dislocated and torso unnaturally swiveled, the sculpt of her underboobastic top makes it look as if she had an extra breast right under her armpit!

~Ozzie

Ah, sweet memories, of when I was cruising the internet for cursed content only part-time. : )

I was actually feeling optimistic lately about the state of miniatures nowadays. All the board games I play avoided this kind of low-effort designing for their lady characters. Were board game developers finally embracing the endless possibilities that not necessitating “Tiddy Out” provided??

But then I discovered that I actually living in a bubble and that a board game RPG got kickstarted in the year of our lord 2019 with this as a promised character/mini:

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That’ll teach me to have barely-mid-tier standards! 

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-Icy

earth-to-dragons submitted (and Icy bingo’d):

Could you guys cover something about Angela in the new Trials of Mana game? Ive been playing it but its honestly difficult just because every time I look at her outfits it makes less sense! Although I dont think Riesz is any better…

A spell-caster lady in a video game who dresses for the beach? It’s more likely than you think! This is from the recent remake, where you would think the developers would want to modernize their designs. 

You would think.

The red is her original outfit (pictured above the bingo), which is apparently the outfit a magician from a cold country wears (even though it’s in magical spring, but it’s still described as cold). The blue are added in from her worst class option… the magus.

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Why have nice things when you can cry over the sympathy pains of imagining scale mail on your crotch?

-Icy

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This comic opens with this line, then outlines the brutal deaths of the protagonists parents in a manner plenty of people will find disturbing.  The core plot for this is the protagonist avenging her brother.

So, it’s a little confusing why ever single cover depicts her like one of her like less armoured version of a long forgotten pulp fantasy character. I mean, okay it’s a an improvement on her famous appearance in 1982:

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However at some point, the creators of these things really need to decide if they want them to be a:

  • A light hearted romp full of pulp, cheesecake and beefcake OR
  • A serious and shocking drama story about hatred and revenge

‘Cause this weird thing of wanting to have the 80s pinup camp along with the “we have serious stories” grit really isn’t going to do them any favours.

-wincenworks

From Generic Bikini, to Generic Swashbuckler. What creativity!!

-Icy

enecola:

As requested by @oldmanskeleton – Boudica from Fate Grand Order.

I’ll be real with you here. This isn’t really an armor fix. There was nothing to work with here. This is a full on redesign. I based her more on the depictions of the historical person because she looked badass.

There was nothing to work with here indeed. 

Fate’s absolutely abysmal treatment of Boudica, a warrior queen from Britain’s ancient history, is the logical conclusion of pushing the “Covers only nipples and genitals on the torso” bingo square to the extreme.
The blatant disregard of how clothes (and physics) work makes me wish she just wore two pasties and a c-string, which would be more honest and realistic skimpy costume than… whatever the fuck that thing on her boobs is supposed to be. 

I really love what you did with this non-costume, @enecola! Kept the only even remotely interesting part, the poofy sleeves, and put her in an actual dress, while using the original… thing’s… color scheme. Was a simple frock really too hard of an idea for the creeps behind Fate franchise

Literally the only thing even vaguely non-creepy about the original design is how she gains more (still very sexualized) clothes with level-ups, instead of losing them

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Though, from where she started, there was room only for (strictly technical) progress, I suppose. 

~Ozzie 

Read about historic Queen Boudica on: Wikipedia | @rejectedprincessessite/blog | Take Back Halloween [content warning for mentions of sexual assault and violence in the descriptions] 

Fixing Some Grim Designs 😬, Part 2

Thanks to my forgetfulness, Throwback Thursday and Wednesday redesign switched places this week. Hope you don’t mind! 

It’s the return of the bikini armor edition of Zenescope’s Baba Yaga! And she still looks like a rando shmexy lady, with no indication of being an old powerful hag from Slavic fairy tales. Because who needs knowing who a character is just from looking at her appearance? Certainly not the Grimm Fairy Tales porn comics! 🙃 

It wasn’t a very inspired stream for me, so I basically worked from a Zenescope artist’s default mindset. The difference is, my priority wasn’t “MOAR BEWB”.

Most major edit was sharperning her facial features, so that she looks like an old lady we expect Baba Yaga to be. She doesn’t need to be “sexy” to disguise her dangerous nature – looking like a grandma already did that! Also gave her greying eyebrows and got rid of those random golden rectangles (warpaint?) on her cheeks which, because of outlines, looked like adhesive bandages and added nothing to the design.

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I’m not as happy with her new, older face as I am with Arhian, but anything’s preferable to Generic Hot Lady Face #9575.

Another obvious fix was turning this bodypaint boobplate into something resembling a breastplate. Not my best edit, and I left the center of the chest kinda barren, but I did extend her pseudo-gorget to somewhat normal size for this armor piece. Now she can’t die of stabbing in the cleavage!

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The lesser edits, after those, were thickening of her noodly arms and putting a red dress under her plate armor pieces. Not exactly realistic or practical padding, but still preferable to gratuitous skin display. 

Definitely among my worse redesigns, but I hope you like it in comparison to the original anyway! 

~Ozzie