The hilarious front line in the tragic war against ridiculous female armor
Tag: Female Armor Bingo
This comic opens with this line, then outlines the brutal deaths of the protagonists parents in a manner plenty of people will find disturbing. The core plot for this is the protagonist avenging her brother.
So, it’s a little confusing why ever single cover depicts her like one of her like less armoured version of a long forgotten pulp fantasy character. I mean, okay it’s a an improvement on her famous appearance in 1982:
However at some point, the creators of these things really need to decide if they want them to be a:
A light hearted romp full of pulp, cheesecake and beefcake OR
A serious and shocking drama story about hatred and revenge
‘Cause this weird thing of wanting to have the 80s pinup camp along with the “we have serious stories” grit really isn’t going to do them any favours.
From Generic Bikini, to Generic Swashbuckler. What creativity!!
Here’s a good example of how “fully armored” doesn’t mean a thing if said armor is still sexualized: this is Shard, Sideshow Collectible’s original character from their ongoing series “Court of the Dead”. The series already has plenty of questionable designs, but Shard here really stands out due to her backstory: she’s a mortal knight Templar that somehow wound up in the Underworld, whose inhabitants then made her armor for her. Highlights include the absolutely bizarre crotch plate (hard to tell if it’s a thong as the cape blocks the back view,) the insignia on her chest that just winds up looking like a literal “stab here” sign, and interesting footwear. It’s a shame, too, because her backstory sounds really interesting and the Court of the Dead series has some prettybeautifuldolls, but also has a metal bony groping hands bra because reasons.
Oh goodie, Sideshow Toysfigures, we meet again! 🙄 And this time you guys don’t even have the excuse of adapting someone else’s sexist design – it’s your own all original creation!
Obviously the bingo score isn’t very high, and I stretched definition of “male equivalent” to “all male-presenting characters in the series”. However, while not bikini-shaped or skimpy, impossibly skin-tight armor is still a staple of BABD content. The fact that metal gives no additional girth to any part of her body made me confident in marking off the “No padding, just bare skin.” square, despite no bare skin at display. And no, the “fine bone filaments of this protective encasement were woven around her form by the osteomancers and artisans of the dead”Thermian argument doesn’t excuse the sexualized design one bit.
We’re not suggesting any GM should allow these feats into a campaign. In fact, we advise against it. Seriously, the whole product is called “Horrifically Overpowered Feats,” which seemed like a dead giveaway that we’re not encouraging anyone to use these rules.
Not an impressive bingo score, but she gets a sideboob count and half a point for those feeble tights as “no pants”. Sparing her from “high heels” count, as the shoes look relatively reasonable, comfortable even.
Why? Well perhaps they figured out after the fact that if you’re trying to make a game about begin an epic hero that’s kind of undermined if your “hero” looks like they’re showing up for a fantasy themed lingerie shoot.
So naturally they did the only thing they could to make their product seem credible – they tried not to draw too much attention to the bikini armor in the promotional material and put a cheap She-Ra rip off in as the tutorial:
(And yes, it is my opinion that “protection from light strikes with small objects at one point of my forehead” does not count as “head protection”)
Contrary to her appearance, Arnice here is not in fact another card from Granblue Fantasy; she is actually the protagonist of a real RPG, Nights of Azure, where she transforms into various demon forms to fight things. This post is only about her main look, because each of her 5 alternate forms can warrant its own bingo.
Her design reminds me a bit of Velvet from Tales of Berseria, except they have the opposite problem in the front: Velvet has a bare stomach, and Arnice has bare sides and back. I suppose that putting them together will make one good design, at least from the waist-up.
Also, I checked whether that tiny piece of black fabric on her hips is a skirt or shorts, and it’s a skirt, because of course.
Seems to be drifting away from being a gender-flipped love letter to the Castlevania and looking more and more like a cheap game hacked together with generic store-bought assets and all the creative focus on sexy outfits and sexy scenarios for the female characters.
Apparently we were not alone in concerns about the appearance of this game, because Igarashi was so upset by the feedback on social media that he promised to prove people wrong:
So um… clearly this didn’t include fixing anything about the costume or general design. One interesting factor is the game now has items that change Miriam’s appearance, which implies that thing on her head is a headband, not horns…
Unfortunately the one item that doesn’t seem to change, is that hideous, unflattering dress which is sadly, far from the worst outfit on a female character in the game.
That um… those aren’t real clothes… nobody wear that. Shame that during the entire development process they couldn’t consult with someone who actually wears dresses and other feminine items – particularly if this is going to be the first boss in the game…
Ever wondered if that game could do female robot design any worse? THEN YOU’RE IN LUCK! The bingo today is T-elos, who seems to be some sort of darker (and even more underbooby) counterpart/nemesis to her. When I found pics of T-elos Figma action figure (so we’re provided with 3D view from all angles), I couldn’t not put it on the to-bingo list.