The hilarious front line in the tragic war against ridiculous female armor
Tag: Female Armor Bingo
I feel ya, Dorothy, I am also appalled at what passes for clothing in Zenescope’s Oz. Are clothes taxed per inch of fabric in the West?
Have you ever looked at L. Frank Baum’s books about a land ruled and influenced by strong, complicated women, and thought “man, I wish these characters were drawn like plastic dolls by J. Scott Campbell so I could masturbate to them”? Well then, do we have the series for you!
(We also recommend you find actual people to interact with, we’re worried.)
Not technically armor, but I know 0 people who would wear this fabric scrap in real life. I guess J. Scott Campbell* knows more people than me… who are imaginary. At least Dorothy over there is wearing what might pass for clothes. I don’t even know what to call the Wicked Witch’s…. bodily coverings.
At least the series doesn’t fall into the Evil is Sexy trope, since everyone is barely allowed clothes? Yay?? ?
My eyes, upon seeing Zenescope’s idea of what “Kansas Farmgirl” and “Powerful Evil Witch” look like:
* I realize Campbell may not have had any input on these character designs, but it’s just the sort of thing he would design, so he still gets 0 points.
I like me some goth characters with perky attitude (that smile is adorable!), and Jen was actually based on the woman who did this miniature’s paint job, but wow is that costume some generic fantasy garbage, scoring some typical bingo points without hitting a single row.
Obviously not the worst we’ve seen, just disappointingly uncreative.
I saw this magazine in tesco and stared at it for a good minute just going ??? This is the cover image they chose for a magazine about the *essential* things for fantasy artists to learn, and doesn’t that just say it all?
We featured this magazine on the blog before, but it never got bingo’ed! Now that’s been rectified.
This design honestly looks like when you’re drawing the figure to figure out pose and what not, and end up putting way too much detail into it that you like. And then you feel bad for having to put clothes on top of your hard work, so you just kinda… stick some liquid metal to the essential areas, add some small decorative pieces, and call it good.
This the Demonic skin for Aurelia, an angel character in Heroes of the Storm. She normally looks like this:
So of course when she becomes a demon (or almost, according to the backstory blurb), she wears an S&M outfit, cause that’s what demons are about? Where’s my S&M Azmodan skin, then, Blizzard??
The closest a male equivalent outfit gets is the Demonic Imperius skin, where he shows off his abs but unfortunately doesn’t wear a leather harness.
At least he wears hot pants, but at the same time, he gets, like, a legitimate chest piece. Auriel is getting a nip slip the second she casts anything, assuming angels have nipples. Imperius also has an actual demonic appearance about him, whereas Auriel is just a Hot Chick with red wings. The fact that none of the angels have faces only makes it worse with her design.
Setting aside the objectively terribad costume, maybe if it was just a screenshot I could believe that this is supposed to be a dynamic fighting stance… But having this be a figure that can be ogled from every angle, I know we’re supposed to always land our eyes on her crotch and/or underboob. That pose looks so borderline porny that I can’t help but be reminded of Greg Land’s drawings literally traced from adult movies and magazines:
A while ago, we got a submission of an Aspen Matthews figurine where she only had 2 1/5 pieces of bone armor on. Tumblr flagged the post as adult content, so here’s a picture:
Turns out, there’s another bone armor version of Aspen! This one has more bones, though I would still call this 2 1/5 pieces of armor collectively, since that torso piece is not a full piece of anything, besides Disappointment.
At least she has biceps? Though they seem to be coming out of her boobs.
So, I was looking at the recent comics issued and I found there’s this new series that seems to feature a lovingly rendered horse… and what’s probably one of the most ridiculous outfits that’s ever been designed.
Yes… she has a steel undies on outside of her painted on pants… apparently.
Here is a brilliant example of how armour magically shifts shape depending on whether it is worn by a man or a woman. All rights, privileges and blame belong to Blizzard Entertainment. I do not own these images and seek no profit from them, but merely to entertain, enrage or explicate as each viewer sees fit.
Not marking “No head protection” because this is basic armor with no additional gear, like helmets and shoes, equipped, so neither male or female PC gets one. But knowing the track record of WoW and Blizzard in general, it’s always a safe bet that those would also have their share of frustrating double standard.
But feel free to check this square on your personal bingo cards, especially if you also would count this sort of panties as “thong” – you’ll get a bingo row 🙂
Marking “Skin-tight armor” though, because we can see this being tight (albeit equally for both male and female player).