The hilarious front line in the tragic war against ridiculous female armor
Tag: Female Armor Bingo
Continuing with Powdered ShitBrown Dust, this thing I referenced last time just broke me and the bingo.
That is literally just a naked lady with her skin tone recolored from the neck down to pretend it’s a skin-tight outfit, with just a couple super pointy “armor” bits thrown on top as an afterthought. Calling this “bodypaint” would be kinda insulting.
While they didn’t detail in her navel or give her a cameltoe, which is so often the case with gratuitously tight “latex” outfit art, the composition DOES put a lot of emphasis on her crotch. I feel like this artwork has an uncensored nude version somewhere, that some creepy developers pass around each other.
So many question marks on the card, cause I don’t even know whether to count the ‘latex’ parts as a pretense to padding or bare skin. It definitely reads more like the latter.
Now, if you look carefully, she got a “Nipple additions” square marked because I’m counting those collar chains resting on her boobsocks. Yeah, this hair isn’t just conveniently hiding the spots where nipples would be, they obscure the kinky chains as well. Not trying to kinkshame, but what the hell even is this game’s target audience? As we established before, just looking suspiciously erotic doesn’t yet warrant that IP is aimed at/allowed only for mature audiences. And a quick check in the app store tells me it’s indeed rated PEGI 12:
“Looks nothing like male equivalent”, cause in no media available for the game any dude character looks ever remotely like that. Here are the two male wallpapers, for instance:
Speedos paired with only greaves and gauntlets those ain’t. The other female character wallpaper, though… Woofaroonie!
I checked out also
the comics and wow, with the way they depict women, we’ll likely get back to bingoing them a couple of times. After we’re done with that bodypaint demon above, that is.
This is as tame as female warriors in Brown Dust comic get to look. Seriously.
Thank you for the submission, @denilsonsa, it will surely provide us nightmares bingos for the 2020.
This comic opens with this line, then outlines the brutal deaths of the protagonists parents in a manner plenty of people will find disturbing. The core plot for this is the protagonist avenging her brother.
So, it’s a little confusing why ever single cover depicts her like one of her like less armoured version of a long forgotten pulp fantasy character. I mean, okay it’s a an improvement on her famous appearance in 1982:
However at some point, the creators of these things really need to decide if they want them to be a:
A light hearted romp full of pulp, cheesecake and beefcake OR
A serious and shocking drama story about hatred and revenge
‘Cause this weird thing of wanting to have the 80s pinup camp along with the “we have serious stories” grit really isn’t going to do them any favours.
From Generic Bikini, to Generic Swashbuckler. What creativity!!
Here’s a good example of how “fully armored” doesn’t mean a thing if said armor is still sexualized: this is Shard, Sideshow Collectible’s original character from their ongoing series “Court of the Dead”. The series already has plenty of questionable designs, but Shard here really stands out due to her backstory: she’s a mortal knight Templar that somehow wound up in the Underworld, whose inhabitants then made her armor for her. Highlights include the absolutely bizarre crotch plate (hard to tell if it’s a thong as the cape blocks the back view,) the insignia on her chest that just winds up looking like a literal “stab here” sign, and interesting footwear. It’s a shame, too, because her backstory sounds really interesting and the Court of the Dead series has some prettybeautifuldolls, but also has a metal bony groping hands bra because reasons.
Oh goodie, Sideshow Toysfigures, we meet again! 🙄 And this time you guys don’t even have the excuse of adapting someone else’s sexist design – it’s your own all original creation!
Obviously the bingo score isn’t very high, and I stretched definition of “male equivalent” to “all male-presenting characters in the series”. However, while not bikini-shaped or skimpy, impossibly skin-tight armor is still a staple of BABD content. The fact that metal gives no additional girth to any part of her body made me confident in marking off the “No padding, just bare skin.” square, despite no bare skin at display. And no, the “fine bone filaments of this protective encasement were woven around her form by the osteomancers and artisans of the dead”Thermian argument doesn’t excuse the sexualized design one bit.
We’re not suggesting any GM should allow these feats into a campaign. In fact, we advise against it. Seriously, the whole product is called “Horrifically Overpowered Feats,” which seemed like a dead giveaway that we’re not encouraging anyone to use these rules.
Not an impressive bingo score, but she gets a sideboob count and half a point for those feeble tights as “no pants”. Sparing her from “high heels” count, as the shoes look relatively reasonable, comfortable even.
Why? Well perhaps they figured out after the fact that if you’re trying to make a game about begin an epic hero that’s kind of undermined if your “hero” looks like they’re showing up for a fantasy themed lingerie shoot.
So naturally they did the only thing they could to make their product seem credible – they tried not to draw too much attention to the bikini armor in the promotional material and put a cheap She-Ra rip off in as the tutorial:
(And yes, it is my opinion that “protection from light strikes with small objects at one point of my forehead” does not count as “head protection”)
Contrary to her appearance, Arnice here is not in fact another card from Granblue Fantasy; she is actually the protagonist of a real RPG, Nights of Azure, where she transforms into various demon forms to fight things. This post is only about her main look, because each of her 5 alternate forms can warrant its own bingo.
Her design reminds me a bit of Velvet from Tales of Berseria, except they have the opposite problem in the front: Velvet has a bare stomach, and Arnice has bare sides and back. I suppose that putting them together will make one good design, at least from the waist-up.
Also, I checked whether that tiny piece of black fabric on her hips is a skirt or shorts, and it’s a skirt, because of course.