The hilarious front line in the tragic war against ridiculous female armor
Tag: bikini armor
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We’ve featured WarhammerTotal War2 on the blog in the past. In fact, we featured a Dark Elf lady with a ridiculous hat in a bingo, and here is a… well, apparently, it’s a witch variant. According to the description of this piece, the developers can combine various heads, torsos, and legs together to create “hundreds of variants.” Look at this variation!
I was confused why exact same design was repeated over and over…
~Ozzie
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From the same publisher as TERA Online, it seems that Kritika Online has decided the best way to celebrate Halloween is to release the most generic bikini armor humanly possible.
This was the first image in the rotating slides for the article about Warhammer: Total War. It doesn’t get much better. Later in the article we have these two Dark Elves.
Even his frickin’ FACE is covered, but for her? Armor? NOOOOoooooo. We get… whatever those things are on her boobs that are going to gut her like a fish if she bends over and can’t possibly stay on without glue or piercings. I guess all her armor budget went into that hat.
OTOH, after showcasing the horrible, I wanted to showcase the one good female armor in there:
…but you have to scroll through tons of images (including more bikini armors) before you can find this one. And I can’t tell for sure if it’s a trick of the light or if she actually has a bare middrift because reasons. [sigh]
Personally I think the greatest display of priorities in these designs is this piece of concept art which could almost be “spot the difference” game:
(And in case there is any doubt as to whether this is the artist or the studio/Games Workshop’s decision, I invite you to compare and contrast with the other works in Evgeniya Egorova’s Artstation gallery)
The worst part is that I can’t even bring myself to be surprised.
– wincenworks
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It really seems like Legend of the Cryptids is trying to one-up its own stupid designs. This card is apparently called “The Lone Warrior Woman,” though I would rename it to “The Soon-to-be-Dead Warrior Woman.” I mean, all those straps on her stomach are basically a giant arrow pointing at her exposed vital organs. At least there’s more than 2 colors…? Also, looking at her walking in that wind is making me really cold. At least her advanced card takes place around some nice warm fire or something.
It’s really amazing how much more armor her arms receive in the upgrade, but her bra somehow gets even smaller. Never change, Applibot.
Evelynn from “League of Legends” just got reworked. And it is… horrendous.
Her attire was always awful, and her splash art as well. Reworking champions should give Riot the opportunity to fix some of the generic-babe-material they started with in 2010. But here we are. 7 years later and not a thing learned. Let’s open the history book on this one…
This was her original art:
It represented so much being wrong while retaining not an ounce of appeal, at least to most male humans I know. You should get a spooky vibe, but there was just nothing there. Just spikes and leather and… not even a weapon. And those heels. The character even jokes ingame about the fact that it is hard to move in those shoes. NO KIDDING.
Then, a while ago, they updated the art. To this:
I actually like this one a tad more. The outfit is the same (because only the splash art got changed, not the ingame model) but it conveys at least something. Still not much to characterise or read into and escher-esque. But at least stuff happens and you get an idea how the character is going to play ingame. And she seems kind of lethal or at least unhinged and dangerous, which is more than you can say of most bikini-clad-“no seriously she is dangerous and can fight”-girls in video game art.
But now, they remade the character. New abilities! New story! New background! A fresh new page to change things! Aaaaand… this happened:
No. Nope. I’m done. Why? Why succubus all of a sudden? Why ditch the spikes and go just down to lingerie? Does that make it better instead of even more generic? Why not add a tattoo that says “I am a metaphor for sex, you guys” and ditch the whole effort?
There obviously was reason to change things, and good thing that they noticed that. But why did they take it in the complete opposite direction to make it just plain stupid. I am not an artist, who can point out all the little signs where this went wrong, but the moment I saw this, I was even more done with the game than I already was.
Oh and one of her new abilities is named “Lust Dust”.
What’s really amusing about the promotional video is that the opening the sinisterassassin would suggest that Evelynn is essentially defined by her power of seduction… but then it quickly becomes apparent she’s more defined by spikes:
Now, spikes honestly makes more sense since League of Legends is basically a video game that more resembles at fantasytabletop war game than a roleplaying game, but apparently someone at Riot Games just really, really wanted to pay an voice actress to record a lot of innuendo lines and pay an artist to draw boobs.
So I’ve been liking my mesmer character, figured this should be one of the two I spend my level 80 character boosts on. Those boosts come with a trial period where you get all the top-level abilities unlocked and can run around a specific area of the game to make sure you want to use this boost before you commit. It also gives you upgraded armor. And locks out your ability to spend transmutation points to change its appearance. And locks away your old gear so you can’t put it back on, even at a significant stat disadvantage. Meaning that upon deciding to try out this boost (which I could only get by pre-ordering their expansion packs or by spending lots of in-game time/real-world money to buy on their gem store), I am very suddenly, unexpectedly, and irreversibly naked. Yes, I’m saying naked, because I can see her fucking crotch.
This game falls squarely within the genre of MMORPG – massively multiplayer online role-playing game. No, I don’t fully ‘role-play’ this character like some people enjoy. But this type of game generally holds the expectation that the player puts fairly significant investment into character creation and advancement. That’s the point of the genre. After playing this game for years, I tend to make characters that reflect some aspect of myself – in this case, (if the hair didn’t clue you in), my queerness. I directed my feelings about my identity, about pride and resilience and sometimes having to redirect attention, into this character and how she looks and how she plays. It’s a game, yes, but it’s also a fun escape that I’ve poured hours into around grad school and a family that I can’t come out to yet. It still means something. So to have that character’s appearance be suddenly taken out of my control, in a way that left her fucking *naked*. Is appalling. And uncomfortable, and sick, and makes me want to scream. Especially in such a clearly objectifying way that even added tattoos that point at her crotch for good measure.
GW2 certainly doesn’t have a perfect history with this kind of stuff, most notably because their starting light armor for their humanoid female characters includes a short skirt and garter belt. But that’s pretty easy to get rid of quickly, and not still not as bad as this. Otherwise, this kind of ‘armor’ tends to be one option among many, there for those that want it and easily passed by for those who don’t. Which is how it should be. But this shit. This isn’t okay.
Guild Wars 2′s track record regarding female designs is, in the most generous words, flawed. And wow, this situation is the textbook example of everything wrong with the skimpy high level trope. The game gave you an opportunity to test all the high-tier gear… by locking the character in probably the most objectifying costume possible. How charming!
Also nice commentary on the fact that MMORPGs are the game genre where players put a lot of investment into their characters. And how making top tier armors like this directly contradicts the appeal of character customization.
Hope you still can decide not to commit to this boost.
Putting the Online game aside, in the original manga and anime the characters belong to a religious order which was originally males only.
You know how women managed to get allowed to join? They have to wear these stupid and totally impractical masks (hello? How does she even see? Or breathe? how does that shit attach? They live in GREECE, for Gea’s sake, who decided putting metal against DELICATE bare skin under such punishing sun was a good idea?)to “give up” their femininity so men won’t feel guilty hurting them. And besides that, if a man ever sees them without the mask they have to either kill him or love him.
They literally made female warriors cover their faces 24/7 so “dudes wouldn’t get distracted” and then threw some metal lingerie at them. Yep, so much less distracting, sure thing… Thankfully we only ever see about three of them, so the other literal 85 male warriors won’t need to feel pressured.
Even funnier. This particular armour is supossed to be a second tier one, which for males supossedly protects more than the third tier ones, while hers… well, has barely any protection at all.
(Second tier)
(Third tier)
Didn’t you know? Weird mask and Madonna bra are totally less distracting than just being a regular knight, like your male peers are!
So I guess, in a very sad way, Saint Seiya Online is a questionable improvement over manga and anime, since the ladies at least are allowed to show their faces (and see and breathe)… For the low low price of trading ridiculous boobplate for skimpy bikini armor full of sharp, stabby parts!
~Ozzie
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Hand-shaped bras a rare, but astounding “treat” among many, many gross boob-related costume tropes. And somehow, they’re almost always designed as skeleton/corpse hands, or at least monstrous looking claws… Because boob-grabbing wasn’t creepy enough on its own merits, I suppose.
What’s additionally weird about this particular one, is that if you look at her left breast, the hand-bra is not even holding it. It’s like hover hand, but extremely creepy instead of extremely awkward.
BTW, because nobody can prove me wrong on this one, I’ll assume that this lady lost her eye to one of those stabby spikes in her “armor”.
~Ozzie
edit: We’ve been noted that this artwork is actually stolen from League of Legends fanart. BABD’s policy is not to put down fan/amateur/hobby/otherwise non-commercial artists, and I’m sorry for accidentally doing that.
Shame on Dragon 2 for (not surprisingly, considering it’s a very generic shovelware/asset-flippyweb ad) stealing someone else’s work!
