The hilarious front line in the tragic war against ridiculous female armor
Tag: no pants
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May I request captioned GIFs for every moment this reviewer comments on how offensively stupid designs of this game are?
Why do you even have this giant armored robot if you’re just hang at the front of it, so everybody can see you?! (1:51 – 1:55)
By the end of this video I want to figure out what is up with that underwear. It’s not even underwear. She has, like, A TATTOO… for… underwear. What is it??? I don’t know… (2:12 – 2:25)
You know, I think I wanna put some glasses on you, so you’re AT LEAST a little bit more covered up. I’m sorry I can’t help you, really… (2:41 – 2:48)
Despite my best intentions, she’s not wearing clothes again. I tried. I tried to give her at least the glasses… No. (2:58 – 3:07)
EVERYTHING IN THIS GAME is sexualized to the max. You think you’re safe going over to this vending machine, but oh, nope, the vending machine’s showing you its ass. (6:06 – 6:15)
What is on your butt? How old are you? You just told me that I have to be level 10. You look like you’re 8… (6:22 – 6:30)
edit: updated links edit 2 (18.08.13): updated links, again
Ragnarok Online is a MMORPG where you can choose some job classes and level them up. I am actually not a player but this game is pretty popular in my country. Posters of this game is everywhere and I admire the style. This game features really good female outfit but the majority still falls into the sexualized category especially when you compare it to men. This is a sample:
A novice can start as a swordsman. Decent armor for the girl, feminine but tough. Equality ftw
Crusaders looking badass! One of the steps you can choose in the job tree. True warriors of the church! Yes equality for brothers and sisters!
And… then the Crusaders turn to Paladins. Aww look at how the mighty warrior discovered the truth that mini skirts are more functional and you don’t have to protect your belly. The highest class…
And from a Swordsman to a Holy Crusader to a Paladin we get the Royal Guard and… nuff said.
Man: leather clothes and boots -> more protection and boots until the highest class
Woman: leather clothes -> leader clothes with armor -> mini skirt and midriff -> bikini and stilettos (pls fix this one)
All images are official art and can be found in the sites below. The art style changed over the decade hence the inconsistency.
[There’s a] jarring shift in body language between the first and second half. Hell, the characters on both genders look completely different; they start out looking rough, gritty, and battle ready. Come the second half, they look like generic animu “action” protagonists.
Paco Rabanne Haute Couture Spring 1998 ooorrr.. Male battle thong!
This is equality, look how blades will glance off his fabulous banana-plate-mail. He’s fully protected and showy enough to strike fear into the hearts of his enemies, and when the war is over, he can head-bang the cobwebs out of those hard to reach nooks and crannies.
DISCLAIMER: What you’ll see under the cut may burn your eyes. Click on your own responsibility. ~~~~
I’d say it counts more as the male equivalent to The Abstract Art outfit than Armor Bikini, especially since it’s supposed to be Haute Couture and all…
Still have no idea what to think of it, frankly, as it doesn’t really concern the themes of this blog. It’s nice to see A MAN in absolutely ridiculous, impractical and revealing outfit for once… I guess? Bonus points for it being real, not just a physics-defying illustration by an artist with no idea of how outfits work.
Hi I previously submitted Ellen from Kingdom Under Fire and since you’re asking for submissions here’s another expample from that game. This is the kind of thing that passes for armour for the Dark elves.
Their Commander:
Their infantry (minus sword and kite shield):
And for comparison.
A human commander:
Human Infantry:
I can’t imagine why the humans invasion goes so well…
Thanks for the heads up! 🙂
Well, to be fair those are probably male human soldiers (isn’t Ellen human too?), but yeah… One really have to wonder which of those troops is gonna be slaughtered in battle.
[Please take note that the commentary is just for fun. Bunch of sarcasm. Don’t take it too seriously. I am getting tired of these outfits, though.]
1. The classic Bikini Armor. If you’re lucky you might get an actual shoulder-pad! If the designers even bother doing something more than just a regular bikini, you might get some accessories with stilettos! Exactly what I want in battle. For a extra nice touch; cameltoe.
2. The Lingerie ”Armor”. There’s absolutely nothing that protects you, but it looks really uncomfortable and nice in bed battle! Complete with some feathery, useless shoulder pads!
3. The ever so Stylish Swimsuit! This is usually the armor you get before you get the upgrade Bikini Armor. Bonus points if a choker, thigh-high boots/stockings and a half mask is included!
4. The Abstract Art. Yes, we’re all wondering how the hell that works; how does that thing stay on, how does she walk with those shoes, how on earth is that supposed to protect her and why is half of her naked? All those questions is a part of the costume! They say art say more than thousand words.. or something!
5. The Dominatrix and/or Slave outfit! For those kinky players out there! Complete with leather or latex, fishnets, chains, chokers and whips! Bonus points of the stilettos are sky-high!
6. The StereotypeShaman or Barbarian! Because she’s clearly so wild and ~exotic~ that she doesn’t need clothes! Best worn with tiny loincloth and underboob-straps!
7. The Cute Frilly Dress! Something you’d LOVE to wear, CONSTANTLY…. in battle! Usually the female “robe” costume, but hey, robes doesn’t show her nice legs! ): For absolute effect, add garterbelts.
8. I call this the Why?. Everything is so massive and made of thick material, but we wouldn’t want to cover her girly parts now, would we? Clearly NO ONE would be aiming there!
9. Nature Thing Something. If you’re not of human race and belong to the nature, expect your outfit to look something like this! Feel completely exposed free! I didn’t even bother with this one, but clearly they don’t even do that in games either. But since you’re not human, it’s totally okay!
10. This is best known as “Just In Case You Forgot”. Have a decent looking outfit, but then they suddenly cut obvious holes around your privates, just reminding you that you have breasts, a butt and a vagina! How nice of them! Bonus if you don’t have a boob-hole, but instead boob-chest-plate!
11. The Everyday Archer! A very classic outfit, complete with a corset and a mini-skirt! Don’t forget the cape, but heavens forbid that you wear it longer than your hips! Then we wouldn’t be able to see your nice butt or legs from behind! *sad face*
12. The Creative Healer! She isn’t supposed to be in close-combat, and sometimes doesn’t even use weapons other than a staff, so minimal armor is understandable… that’s why we give you a dress that leaves you wondering how that thing stays on, and with a leg-slip-thing! We wouldn’t want you to forget you have legs, after all!
13. And finally, your Average Sci-Fi chick! This one is an absolute classic. It has weird cut-outs everywhere, extreme cleavage, patterns pointing to your crotch and chest, and CRAZY shoes! Don’t forget the skin tight, often nearly-transparent, glossy fabric. Perfect battle wear, absolutely perfect!
Obligatory reblog.
One of the best tumblr posts EVER, hands down. An illustrated guide for sexist female warrior costumes.
