It’s bad enough when a sci-fi setting has all the ladies wearing painted-on tights so snug that you can see all the way up their respective buttcracks, but then they go and do it with the armour, too.
Like, it’s armour.
It’s a solid chunk of heavy, rigid material.
How does that work?
How do you walk with a pair of inflexible domes tightly cupping your glutes?
Hell, how do you even stand when you’ve got a quarter-inch durasteel plate wedged so far up your ass you’re tasting metal?
Makes no sense.
While we’re certain skin-tight metal butt armor happens a lot in media (battle thong is by far more popular), the best, most literal examples of it from our blog were those chafiest short shorts ever:
And this full body atrocity (whole thing is arguably NSFW, open link at own risk):
We can also infer from some frontal images when a design probably includes a butt vacuum-sealed in metal, just like it has boobplate/metal boobsocks:
That said, butts or no butts, armor so snug it looks like shiny bodypaint/metal spandex is a blight on costume design that should be stopped.
~Ozzie
In case anyone still doubted it, yes – it is possible to design a stylized female armor without showing skin or sexualizing the wearer.
~Ozzie
New gear, happy people. People keep calling our matching gear “adorable”. Hah.
Not the most flattering photos from tonight, but it shows off our new armour well so that’s what matters. We’re both 110% exhausted – it was a night of hard fights, and we’re still adjusting to wearing so much armor! I’ve been out of the game for a few months, and Kieran is used to wearing minimal stuff, usually little more than a gambeson.
After Pennsic I decided to start designing a set of armor. I wanted to make something with unique etching, and is both beautiful and functional. What I’m wearing here is kind of an alpha version of what we might end up selling on ArmStreet.com, especially the breastplate and gambeson. Field testing is going well so far, I’m finding the breastplate is a bit restrictive around the arms compared to other breastplates I’m wearing, so we’ll see if we can work on that.
You’ll also notice I have a sword *gasp* in this photo. I didn’t put my shield in any of the photos because it’s still unfinished and needs more paint, but I’ve temporarily retired the halberd to try and gain back my shield skill. It’s pretty scary being out there in the wall, feeling so noobish. I got back into the swing of things, though. I put away my trust Calimacil Long Novice sword to try out their Rob Sharp, which is bastard length. It’s a super attractive sword with decent balance and a more realistic blade. I’m not a fan of bastard length for sword and buckler, but in the shield wall with my heater I really enjoyed the additional length. More tests to come I suppose.
You’ll also notice my other new friend, Calimacil’s Percefer. It’s a tiny, realistic cavalry hammer which fits our 14th century time period! I love it already, it’s my new favourite weapon. It’s not the most useful of offhands, but it looks excellent and is generally a beautiful piece. I’d love a full length warhammer in the same style, but hey, I’m happy.
If you’re confused about my change in fashion, we’re running with a new group: Chesterwick, the same warband we ran with at Quest. We’re looking at the possibility of recruiting soon, so if you attend Swordcraft and dig our 14th century style, stay tuned ?
Great examples of armor for men and women side by side with additional cuteness, what more could anyone ask for?
As we’ve mentioned many times before, and will mention many times more, if you’re curious how armor actually works and and why then reenactors and larpers are perhaps the best people to talk to.
– wincenworks
