The hilarious front line in the tragic war against ridiculous female armor
Tag: Conan
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This comic opens with this line, then outlines the brutal deaths of the protagonists parents in a manner plenty of people will find disturbing. The core plot for this is the protagonist avenging her brother.
So, it’s a little confusing why ever single cover depicts her like one of her like less armoured version of a long forgotten pulp fantasy character. I mean, okay it’s a an improvement on her famous appearance in 1982:
However at some point, the creators of these things really need to decide if they want them to be a:
A light hearted romp full of pulp, cheesecake and beefcake OR
A serious and shocking drama story about hatred and revenge
‘Cause this weird thing of wanting to have the 80s pinup camp along with the “we have serious stories” grit really isn’t going to do them any favours.
-wincenworks
From Generic Bikini, to Generic Swashbuckler. What creativity!!
-Icy
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Ironically, despite this armor being the first “screenshot” image on Conan Exiles’ Steam page – I can’t find any evidence that it is or has ever actually been in the game. The reason why is not particularly clear. After all, this is “heavy armor”:
The part that is most amazing about it is that the lower half is covered in pants that seem far beyond the heavy armor but then have a nightmarish boobplate that seems to have been designed with zero considerations for protection.
It gets chafing nightmare because it seems that after adding a layer of padding under the metal… they decided that a bare steel chain strap will be fine.
This is doubly a shame because not only does a certain marketing strategy seem to impeding them giving a solid representation of the game but they’re also missing the opportunity to show the real empowerment in the game:
– wincenworks
Update: Apparently it is possible to recreate the outfit, but requires mixing and matching bits, @p75369 created the female version here and… well I’m sure you’ll be shocked the male version is different.
Well, the most obvious differences between Conan and Jacob is that Conan was what his creator, Robert E Howard (who struggled his entire life with the pressures of society and toxic masculinity) not-secretly-at-all yearned to be and Jacob is the Stephanie Meyer’s idea of semi-exotic potential boyfriend.Check out this classic depiction of Conan by Frank Frazetta and try to remember the last time you saw a guy like this on the cover of a romance novel.
What makes guys sexy to women (physically)?
Well, it turns out since women are not a monolith and women don’t get to dictate beauty standards for men there’s no real standard.
Research has shown that men in general overestimate how much muscle women find attractive. They also tend to overestimate the importance and the preferred size of penises. (Seriously guys, don’t send unsolicited dick pics and don’t expect bragging about ridiculous endowment to help you)
Honestly though, the notion that you have to adhere to beauty standards in order to make a character attractive is kind of ridiculous. I mean, butts are sexualized across genders. Feeling comfortable pressed up against someone and kissing them is usually a plus. Looking like they may find you interesting as a person or want to impress you are definite help.
When designing a sexy male character: Leave the books about primary and secondary characteristics alone and forget about what manly men say a man should be like and ask, “What’s she going to like in this guy?”
Nothing is genuinely universally attractive, but at least this way you have a chance that the audience will see the appeal even it’s not for them.
Time to bring this back, as discussions about what all women find attractive in all men continue, despite this being essentially unanswerable question. And a wrong thing to ask regarding equality in sexualization of genders.
~Ozzie
And because, apparently, it needs to be said:
If you ever find yourself tell people that the female characters are just as sexualised as not just the men but also the bears, genderless robots (it still terrifies me I have to clarify the genderless part) and/or skeletons with a ecotoplasmic pompadours then it’s well past time to just…
The MMO Age of Conan prides itself on being “sexy” and “adult”, which in game terms means that the “savage” world of Hyboria looks more like the dressing room of the local strip club. Lots of big-breasted female player characters slaying demons in their lace panties.
In an effort to balance the scales a bit, I created Sielunsakin, my fully-empowered – and absolutely FABULOUS! – Herald of Xotli, and his “Satisfying Company” (that’s literally what the game calls him) pet companion.
These men are ready for “action” – in every sense of the word!
You know, somewhere in getting her own army, you’d think that Janissa would have invested in a new costume… perhaps one that doesn’t have ridiculous underboob.
Then Dark Horse could sell figures of her that wouldn’t be embarrassing to have around your house:
So a friend pointed this out to me in a comic book shop the other day cause she knows I like to play Bikini Amour Battle Damage Bingo. Didn’t think to write down the name however ^^; and also couldn’t look inside the comic because it was sealed.
Specifically that Red Sonja regularly gets to be slightly more active, as an excuse to pose her oddly and to try to balance out that she’s posing for the titillation of the audience while Conan is… being Conan.
