The hilarious front line in the tragic war against ridiculous female armor
Tag: skin tight metal
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What do you mean this character is NOT a result of semi-incestious relationship between Angela and female Thor? Wait, this is supposed to be… Baba Yaga?
Zenoscope’s Grimm Fairy Tales never disappoints in being disappointing.
It’s bad enough when a sci-fi setting has all the ladies wearing painted-on tights so snug that you can see all the way up their respective buttcracks, but then they go and do it with the armour, too.
Like, it’s armour.
It’s a solid chunk of heavy, rigid material.
How does that work?
How do you walk with a pair of inflexible domes tightly cupping your glutes?
Hell, how do you even stand when you’ve got a quarter-inch durasteel plate wedged so far up your ass you’re tasting metal?
That said, butts or no butts, armor so snug it looks like shiny bodypaint/metal spandex is a blight on costume design that should be stopped.
~Ozzie
As we throwback this nightmare fuel this week, I’d just like to casually remind everyone that, at least when it comes to 3D modeling, giving a character individual butt cheeks and individual boobs is way more work than giving them actual Real Person clothes. So there are still people in the gaming industry who look at their budget, look at their specs, and then decide that, yes, spending that money on individually-modeled boobs and butts is a Good Investment.
That’s not even metal, and even it looks physically painful.
Here is a brilliant example of how armour magically shifts shape depending on whether it is worn by a man or a woman. All rights, privileges and blame belong to Blizzard Entertainment. I do not own these images and seek no profit from them, but merely to entertain, enrage or explicate as each viewer sees fit.
Not marking “No head protection” because this is basic armor with no additional gear, like helmets and shoes, equipped, so neither male or female PC gets one. But knowing the track record of WoW and Blizzard in general, it’s always a safe bet that those would also have their share of frustrating double standard.
But feel free to check this square on your personal bingo cards, especially if you also would count this sort of panties as “thong” – you’ll get a bingo row 🙂
Marking “Skin-tight armor” though, because we can see this being tight (albeit equally for both male and female player).
I stump for Magic the Gathering hard. I often feel like, in a sea of boring design and policies written by the Creepy Marketing Guy, Magic stands out as really trying to do better for inclusivity and diversity, even if it does stumble from time to time.
But this time, they REALLY stumbled.
Behold, from the recent Battlebond set… Royal Trooper!
… like… what the hell.
This is my first time doing one of these bingo cards, so if I missed one or didn’t interpret one properly, let me have it:
Now, the hilarious thing is, I passed this by my fiancee in case I missed one, and she said that the male version of this card was probably better. That sparked an idea, and lo and behold, there was an earlier version of this card:
…it’s also a woman, in MUCH BETTER ARMOUR… FORWARD, Wizards of the Coast. We’re supposed to go FORWARD. Yeesh…
Thanks for subsmission and the commentary! We learned not to have high expectations of Magic and Gathering’s illustrations. At best, they’re a mixed bag.
Okay, I just have to include this blurb about her from the wiki because it made me laugh:
“The leader of the Westron Labrys band of lady bandits in the western part of the peninsula. She loves to fight, and hates men.”
Is that why she doesn’t wear a normal breastplate, cause it’s too man-like? Seeing the designs of other lady NPCs in the game, this looks like just another generic bad armor design rather than any attempt at characterization. It’s disappointing that they decided that she needed sleeves, but not the rest of the undershirt, which would have prevented the chafing that’s probably the reason she’s so grumpy.
My headcanon is that she’s killing men because they’re the ones wearing comfortable armor, and she just hasn’t looted a breastplate that fits her well enough yet.
-Icy
“I hate men, therefore I dress in a way that panders to them!” reminds me of Oglaf’s Glamazon Way strip.
Except Oglaf is a self-aware parody and makes a point about gendered double standards instead of playing them straight with no subversion.
Giving
a cactus far more water than is needed can result in complications such
as root rot, loss of clothing, squished breasts, and vacuum-sealed
pants.
(Seeing as someone just submitted Flower Knight Girl art,
thought I’d submit some too. Poor Cactus deserves much better than
this.)
Always remember to care for your cacti, folks ):
Public service announcement: skimpy highlevelitis can be contracted by anyone, including plant gijinka!
Don’t confuse a disease for creative freedom. Inoculate your female warrior characters, regardless their species, with well-designed costumes today, for the better tomorrow.
It’s time for Camilla from Fire Emblem to make another appearance.
She is given a promoted class in Fire Emblem Warriors with more cleavage. Apparently, she can be sexualized more, complete with “my eyes are up here.” Though unlike Fire Emblem Fates, she does remember to bring her axe and wyvern to her cut scenes in Fire Emblem Warriors, so silver lining.
Oh Camilla,.. it’s kind of amazing how much has and hasn’t changed since the last time you were given a bingo card. Mostly it just seems a few squares like Bared Belly have become ambiguous and more boob straps have been added.
They’ve also somehow managed to lean into the armor as sexy lingerie and remind you, in case you somehow forgot, that she has big boobs:
This is from a real video game called “Riders of Icarus” and this is what you see during the character select screen. Viewable on many Riders of Icarus review videos that go through character selection screens. These images were obtained from https://www.tentonhammer.com/guides/riders-of-icarus-choosing-a-class
Not only is the double standard very apparent, it’s also extremely inconsistent as well (and of course, 100% illogical because why would a woman wearing full plate reveal MORE than the assassin class??? On top of the, you know, why reveal anything dilemma).
Also, literal bikini armour. LITERAL bikini armour. I can’t…
(Order of classes from top to bottom in captions:
Guardian,
Assassin, Priest, Wizard, Berserker.)
This is the textbookiest of texbook examples of double standard in armor we’ve seen in ages. Amazingly creative!
~Ozzie
I remember how Riders of Icarus released it’s trailer it almost looked like it wasn’t going to this nonsense… for a literal minute.
You have to love their commitment to the novel idea of wings combing out of the lower legs… then going with the most generically awful female costumes…. short skirts don’t really seem compatible with dragon riding.
For bonus points, this is the first female character you’ll come across on their site if you scroll down through the promo images from the top:
