Tag: battle thong

Posted on

languray submitted:

Haydee is a legit actual game, you can buy for real money ($14.99 USD) on Steam. The dev team for this game was made up entirely of Creepy Marketing Guys. The main character is literally just a pair of (constantly jiggling) boobs, on top of an ass in a thong that screams chafing, and bare legs with pumps. In a sci-fi action game. The worst part is, the character doesn’t even get a face! Literally her head is a blank white surface, robbing her of any humanity or agency beyond pure sexual characteristics. 

Here’s a game TONS of readers asked us to talk about. @languray’s summary seems pretty spot-on.

A faceless pair of cyborg boobs and prominent butt (carefully shoved in the third person camera at every angle) running around environments that can be summed up as Poor Man’s Portal.

It’s also quite impressive how uninspired the official Steam description is:

“Haydee” is a hardcore old-style metroidvania mixed with modern-day third person shooter and platformer mechanics. As well as a sexy character.

“[Insert title] is [insert adjectives that pander to stereotypical gamer] [insert buzzword game genres]. As well as a sexy character.”

Funnily, despite not sharing the same aesthetic or mechanics, Hydee’s “more like this” recommendations on Steam are for Sakura games and similar titles including nudity and/or sexual content (also, for reasons unclear, one casual platformer about Jesus). No other “metroidvanias mixed with modern third person shooter and platformer mechanics”, though.

Guess it’s official that having gratuitous female sexualization front and center means otherwise completely different games are basically the same genre.

~Ozzie

This game is a worrying example of how much the myth that sex sells can distort design priorities. It seems clear that the main character model was basically the main focus of the developers, and the fanbase.

This model is not only used for the Player Character, it’s used for:

  • decorating walls (starting in the very first room)
  • signaling danger with pre-populated corpses in pits and traps
  • providing loot off pre-populated corpses in other places

So basically they’ve used it to tell players to go over to an area for a reward, to avoid an area due to danger and to tell the player this room was boring so they added boobs.  Another “sexy corpses” game.  Just what the world needed.

Unsurprisingly, given it’s target market, it’s reviews are in many ways more entertaining than the game.  If the achievements are to be believed, less than 3% of players have finished the game and less than 50% earn an achievement after the tutorial… yet it has “mostly positive” reviews.

image

It’s like they don’t really care about games, they just want to put their politics into everything and decided they were going to rate this game up regardless of the content so as to inflict their personal agenda on everyone else…

That and well everyone who might be interested in judging it on it’s merit can tell not to bother spending the money or time on it.

– wincenworks

(Source: https://www.youtube.com/)
Posted on

emissaryofwind:

@bikiniarmorbattledamage

These are only a few of the armor designs for the MMORPG BLESS Online. As you can see, quality varies wildly between designs. It’s worth noting that these are all from the “Heavy Armor” category, so designers obviously thought they gave similar protection to the wearer. There are much worse ones that can all be seen here. I’m sad to see these cool, creative, protective designs side by side with boring objectifying bikini armor. At least they all have decent helmets.

The part I find most striking is that the bikini armor outfits look so uninspired from the front due to the use of “windows” to show off flesh.

Especially when juxtaposed with the more practical designs it really does look like they did a bunch of regular designs then had Creepy Marketing Guy come along and red line it where he wanted to put bits on display.

Sadly, it seems that this was not limited to the fronts of the outfits:

– wincenworks

Posted on

@parrotbeak submitted:

Came across this. It’s a game by the names of The Witches and Eternal Light, cancelled in 2011 when the company behind it (Revistronic; normally into racing and adventure games) went out of business. I’m almost impressed the empowerment doesn’t include high heels.

Apparently they somehow managed to spend six years working on this (only stopping because the studio shut down) without ever asking themselves what were they doing.

Half the time they seem to understand that these outfits are designed purely for sexy times and a major liability in combat – hence why the women look terrified in so many shots.

The other half the time they seem to think that so long as it looks like they get some badass moments then it’ll all work out.   Not because of character development or a surprise to the audience, but just because well they need something for gameplay right?

It’s really quite amazing how trivial these games seem to think details like “what’s the core experience” or “what are the defining traits of the main character?” are when they just write “boobs” as every answer.

– wincenworks 

What’s up with the constant porn-like panting?

If that’s supposed to be all in-game footage*, does it mean the player has to hear the heavy breathing all throughout game? Or maybe they wanted that trailer to look like something entirely different from an action game, hm… Honest advertising, everyone!

~Ozzie

*Do cinematics even count as “in-game footage”? Around 85% of that trailer was cinematic, as opposed to actual gameplay.

more videos on BABD | more about marketing

(Source: https://www.youtube.com/)
Posted on

@xagrok submitted:

A friend told me she’d discovered a design even worse than Velvet’s. It’s almost impressive how terrible it is. Apparently, her name is Richenal. My apologies, I don’t know what else to write. I hope this way of submitting it is okay?

Okay… I guess this summary image was chosen perfectly… 

Because I was almost willing to leave this since Richenal is supposed to be a dancer… then I saw she had combat stats and made the mistake of clicking on the wiki’s front page to get more information about the game.

– wincenworks

Posted on

@xagrok submitted:

A friend told me she’d discovered a design even worse than Velvet’s. It’s almost impressive how terrible it is. Apparently, her name is Richenal. My apologies, I don’t know what else to write. I hope this way of submitting it is okay?

Okay… I guess this summary image was chosen perfectly… 

Because I was almost willing to leave this since Richenal is supposed to be a dancer… then I saw she had combat stats and made the mistake of clicking on the wiki’s front page to get more information about the game.

– wincenworks