I decided to go with this here Zodiac-themed (goddess?) character in particular not only because of lots of stabby parts and wasted themed design potential, but also cause her descriptions make the design even more hilarious:
Aries (first card):
You say it is the duty of a god to go to war? No, I only go because of my loyalty to Taurus. He only knows how to protect others. He doesn’t know how to protect himself. I go for him.
For the record, the Taurus guy, who’s apparently one of the only two men* among Zodiac cards, looks like this:
Also: female character motivated by a male character, how creative!
Be weary of the skies! As the war drags on and armors are destroyed, her attacks will only get stronger.
*The other one is Leo, cause associating The Bull and The Lion with masculinity is so original! And both characters wear believable armors, of course.