Fantasy Female Armor


You know what irks me?



Female armor.

You know why it irks me? Because that shit ain’t practical, and hell, it doesn’t look comfortable either. Sure, it looks nice, gives the bad guys something to look at, but will it work in a fight? Will it protect the user against swords or arrows or whatever else is being thrown their way? They better goddamn hope those chain mail bikinis are enchanted with a force field, cause that’s not going to save anyone from any lethal hit.

They’re a badass and have the skills to not get hit? I call bullshit. Even the most seasoned warrior (minus the Greeks) knows better than to give an opponent any possible opening. Armor is there for a reason, and that’s to cover for you when and if you make a mistake or there’s something you cannot deflect.

Not to mention, I think having cold hunks of steel rubbing against my girl parts would be the most uncomfortable and unbearable thing ever. I hate underwire bras enough, but a bra made entirely out of steel wire? Haha, no, There is no way that would work, even for aesthetic purposes. Not to mention the chaffing in the nether regions, good god. Metal chaffs. Knights wore clothing underneath their armor and chain mail for a reason.

Oh, and just because it covers doesn’t mean it’s practical, while we’re at it.


This breastplate is a bit of an improvement, but still has major flaws. The way that it curves around each breast would direct blows inwards, closer to the heart. Armor can be pierced, and after enough hits, guess where this breastplate is most likely to be pierced? That’s right, the cleavage. That’s why armor tends to be very rounded, so blows are deflected away from vital organs and such. Makes sense? I think so, too.

What is good female armor? Any armor that men would wear, basically. Like I said, there tends to be a lot of room in the front for the girls, so there should be no problem fitting them in. Here’s some examples of good (or better) armor:



Oh, and this little jewel~


So yes, you can be a badass, feminine heroine- with the proper, practical protection on. No excuses.

A new rule of thumb:

If you wouldn’t look impressive holding a bunny, you’re not going to look impressive holding a weapon.

– wincenworks

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