Not the mask used as a fascinator, not the inexplicable window on her back, not the skirts that seem to only exist only to blow up and show her legs – nor the odd peakaboo slits on the sides of her shorts, nor the or the skin tight top – but rather the weird piece of cloth that sits on top of of the vacuum sealed top to incorporate underboob and nipple tease without actually showing any torso skin.
She is also possibly the worst archer in the history of bad archers.
Now… obviously expectations are low for this genre of game, but this particular gacha game has had made spread in the market and multiple articles about tis monetization techniques – so this remains an example of how this kind of trash design goes unquestioned in modern media.
Thank you to icykitty for sharing the trauma of a set of armor that may actually be worse than the infamous outfit of Shahde from Prince of Persia.
– wincenworks
I like to think that the all-around badness of
this figure
kinda makes it an unintentional piece of commentary art. As if the designer/sculptor/company behind it was trying to say “You though you saw the worst of sexy female warriors? Nope, they could look like THIS!”.
Ah, sweet memories, of when I was cruising the internet for cursed content only part-time. : )
I was actually feeling optimistic lately about the state of miniatures nowadays. All the board games I play avoided this kind of low-effort designing for their lady characters. Were board game developers finally embracing the endless possibilities that not necessitating “Tiddy Out” provided??
But then I discovered that I actually living in a bubble and that a board game RPG got kickstarted in the year of our lord 2019 with this as a promised character/mini:
That’ll teach me to have barely-mid-tier standards!
And like the other one, this also comes in a black bodypaint “catsuit” version with a gun instead of a sword.
Someone please save those poor ladies!
~Ozzie
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Raid Shadow Legends is a game that hilariously has ridiculous bikini armor and chose not to put it into their marketing. (Which clearly has an epic budget)
Why? Well perhaps they figured out after the fact that if you’re trying to make a game about begin an epic hero that’s kind of undermined if your “hero” looks like they’re showing up for a fantasy themed lingerie shoot.
So naturally they did the only thing they could to make their product seem credible – they tried not to draw too much attention to the bikini armor in the promotional material and put a cheap She-Ra rip off in as the tutorial:
– wincenworks
(And yes, it is my opinion that “protection from light strikes with small objects at one point of my forehead” does not count as “head protection”)
Ever wondered if that game could do female robot design any worse? THEN YOU’RE IN LUCK! The bingo today is T-elos, who seems to be some sort of darker (and even more underbooby) counterpart/nemesis to her. When I found pics of T-elos Figma action figure (so we’re provided with 3D view from all angles), I couldn’t not put it on the to-bingo list.
Definitely not a high-scoring design, but it’s still baffling enough that I wanted to showcase it. This is Clery the cleric high priestess from a recently-released JRPG named Azure Saga: Pathfinder (as the logo says).
We seem to have feathers as a motif, but it’s like it got forgotten halfway through. There’s no consistent shapes aside from the (apparently) holy symbol, except then there is a different symbol on her shoulder. And the “how does it attach” square is marked specifically for that pauldron being hot-glued to her skin, presumably. (In her in-game sprite, her sleeve is attached to it and it looks better, even though it still wouldn’t be useful as armor without further support.)
At least she’s not wearing heels, but her boots look like the last thing to be designed, when they had no ideas left.
On a positive note, this might make good livestream material, along with one of the other lady characters in this game:
I feel ya, Dorothy, I am also appalled at what passes for clothing in Zenescope’s Oz. Are clothes taxed per inch of fabric in the West?
Have you ever looked at L. Frank Baum’s books about a land ruled and influenced by strong, complicated women, and thought “man, I wish these characters were drawn like plastic dolls by J. Scott Campbell so I could masturbate to them”? Well then, do we have the series for you!
(We also recommend you find actual people to interact with, we’re worried.)
Not technically armor, but I know 0 people who would wear this fabric scrap in real life. I guess J. Scott Campbell* knows more people than me… who are imaginary. At least Dorothy over there is wearing what might pass for clothes. I don’t even know what to call the Wicked Witch’s…. bodily coverings.
At least the series doesn’t fall into the Evil is Sexy trope, since everyone is barely allowed clothes? Yay?? ?
-Icy
My eyes, upon seeing Zenescope’s idea of what “Kansas Farmgirl” and “Powerful Evil Witch” look like:
~Ozzie
* I realize Campbell may not have had any input on these character designs, but it’s just the sort of thing he would design, so he still gets 0 points.
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Fire Emblem: Pantsening, Part 1
(The title is not a joke on Awakening, I know Nyx is not from that game.)
So, doing redesigns for the game series that keeps on giving… its lady characters no pants. I don’t even care if they’re garbage pants, can they please have something, so that they’re not riding frigging scaley wyverns with bARE LEGS-
Most of the edits I did involved giving her an actual shirt, rather than…. uhh?? … as well as some PANTS. I also broke up her shoes into two parts mostly for the design aspect. Such tall thigh-highs make any non-leggings look weird. The last big change was her veil, which I tried to make a little more realistic-looking. I’m not sure how, in the original, the veil is supposed to be hanging down, but then be behind her long bangs that fall close to her face??
The dark skin-tone parts on her clothes are opaque, by the way. I was just too lazy to come up with another color for them, to be honest. This was definitely one of those streams where I was struggling to work with what I had… I probably could have done a better job given more time, but I’m fairly happy with it as it is now. I promise I’ll do a non-mage the next time we redesign Fire Emblem ladies.
-Icy
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Soul Calibur – please put some clothes on!
This was our first attempt at fixing some of the most egregious excuses for costumes we could find in Soul Calibur games. Both those heroines would return to our streams on other occasions (including a special, already released post).
Ivy
My mortal enemy, Ivy Valentine’s declining standard in outfits. Ugh. I chose her because I love to play her when I do get to play SC (not often these days), and because she’s supposed to be a Machiavellian Immortal Super Villain (sort of), and boy, do none of the lingerie designs communicate any of this.
So anyway.
I picked this concept art from SC5 cause at least it’s redeemable. I always liked her more suit-like designs, because that shows off her personality better, I think. So I went with that and gave her a functional, high-class (cause her fam’s rich) kind of suit. Due to a personal preference for 3-piece suits, I gave her a vest to go with it. I mean, she’s still hot as hell.
I gave her pants, obviously, and of course, actual shoes with thick, sturdy riding heels. My last addition was this thigh sword sheath thing, because I didn’t want to break the lines on her waist and hips with a belt, but it might have been better to give her a belt sheath that hangs in the back. Like this:
It’s not as silly and I could hide the belts under her suit or something. I also wanted to incorporate the snake motif more, so I did a derpy sketchy one on her knee there.
Oh, and the face!
I hope Cassandra is proud.
-Icy
Tira
Tira’s aesthetic not only is “poor man’s Harley Quinn”, it’s also clothes so incredibly tattered, there’s no way they’d stay up under any circumstances.
I wasn’t particularly inspired during that streaming session, so I concluded that as long as her clothes look wearable, it counts as improvement.
Can’t say I’m all that proud of overall design, especially the cut of her blouse and pants, but they came out of desperation to save her from chilly winds and to layer the tights and undershirt I gave her. I guess it’s supposed to be a vaguely clown-like outfit without resembling Harley’s. Got the pink for the tights from her eye color and super faded pink-ish highlights in her hair…
…speaking of which, since her weird pigtails looked detached from the rest of the hairstyle, I got rid of them altogether and left her with a bob. Then recolored (and added some more) highlights matching her overall color scheme.
While the clothes I gave her are a big meh, I’m quite proud of the changes to her face, expression and makeup. Tira is supposed to be super unstable, so a runny mascara matches her personality much better and gives her more intense gaze. Also two-colored lipstick, to compliment the highlights. And I gave her much bigger mouth with more wicked smile, a bulbous nose and a unique jawline – now you can recognize this lady by her facial features, not just color scheme. You’re welcome.
~Ozzie
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HOLY UNDERBOOB, BATMAN!
WHAT THE FUCK AM I LOOKING AT?! Icy, why did you show it to me?! T^T
Setting aside the objectively terribad costume, maybe if it was just a screenshot I could believe that this is supposed to be a dynamic fighting stance… But having this be a figure that can be ogled from every angle, I know we’re supposed to always land our eyes on her crotch and/or underboob. That pose looks so borderline porny that I can’t help but be reminded of Greg Land’s drawings literally traced from adult movies and magazines:
