The hilarious front line in the tragic war against ridiculous female armor
I don’t even care that this is exactly the same outfit I bingo’d with different Gantz character figure – I just hate it so much.
And like the other one, this also comes in a black bodypaint “catsuit” version with a gun instead of a sword.
Someone please save those poor ladies!
~Ozzie
Elvenar continues to be the kind of game with very standard, unsexy strategy gameplay and completely unrelated marketing imagery that is basically Fantasy Porn™ (read: standard for web ads).
And this is the sort of design that amazes me. The kind that covers over half of the Female Armor Bingo card, but doesn’t manage to score a single row. All while not being a full body image. We can only assume whether it would score high heels and/or thigh-high boots if we saw more of this poor poor lady.
~Ozzie
That is very uncomfortable-looking bondage clothing
– Icy
Marking it as sensitive, just in case.
Not surprisingly, Reika from Gantz was featured a couple of times on @eschergirls, there was even a post about a version of this figure that wears black bodypaint skin-tight catsuit under her impossi-kini and holds a gun badly instead of a sword.
I’m surprised that neither version wears 5-inch heels, but I’d assume that is because with such botched anatomy and pose, balancing her on ridiculous stilettos would just make the figure physically impossible to make.
~Ozzie
Post marked as sensitive, because there’s no way this figure is safe for work.
Magic Meat Week Day 1: Fantasy
Starting it off with your typical fighter who’s ready to swing his big sword at all his enemies! Oh and use his blade too I guess
Look at that sharp armor! It says so much about him and his and backstory. Those colors and shapes are obviously alluding to his fiery personality. I really love that thong of his that doesn’t have straps. Clearly, this fighter is a Machiavellian, only wearing what is absolutely necessary, and not bothering with frivolities like a shirt, or pants, or even garters! And with a sword like that, how can he be expected to wear plate or chainmail, let alone clothes? They would only hinder his movements.
Excellent job creating a unique and deep character!
-Icy
iiphides submitted:
Found in a pop up while I was trying to watch something.
Plus bingo cards! The gal on the left is the green board, while the right is purple.
Wow are those extremely awful (with @eschergirls anatomy on the left one, to boot!), I’d say your scores are very lenient.
Sorry to do a rare bingo correction, but those two are SO over the top physically impossible and ultrasexualized I think they deserve cards as fully crossed out as possible:
(Also, I’m using the most recent bingo card design (1.2), we grew quite tired of the “No underwear” square and discussions on what it means).
Okay, so the left one, with her “Hot Chick With a Sword” aesthetic has a pretense of being a warrior. What the other one’s supposed to be, aside from, well…
…a sorceress? …a cleric? …a double sided tape commercial cleverly disguised as a burlesque strip tease?
~Ozzie
This game’s apparently supposed to be a “Greek Mythology Browser Game.” I don’t think it’s physically possible to squint hard enough to make that come across in any way.
Also, is it just me, or do those 2 ladies look like they were made for 2 different art styles? Not to mention, this “promotional material” is orders of magnitude more shameless about the sexy girls than any other art on their website.
Although the “clothes” are still as confusing, so… at least that’s consistent??
-Icy
edit: Readers informed us that art in that web art is stolen. Surprising no-one, game with porny marketing is an asset stealer.
This gem comes from Titan Comics, the publisher behind a couple of disappointments we commented on before (special shout-out to adding boobplate to Dark Souls, of all things).
Probably saddest part is that Monster Massacre are comic anthologies, and while adult-oriented, most of the stories included do not have the erotic monster girl artwork the covers suggest they would:
There’s a Jack Kirby horror comic in the first issue! Imagine seeing this as you open a book with cover like that.
~Ozzie
But why though?
-Icy
@avatarwill113 submitted:
I can’t believe it’s not porn.It’s the advertisement for the latest strategy game Vikings;War Of Clans!
When I thinking Viking I think uncomfortable underwear. She has a good helmet, shame about everything else. I’m sure this will sell millions of copies, and certainly won’t be forgotten within a month.
Well, given it’s from the creators of Stormfall, Total Domination, Nords and of course Sparta: War of Empires (who had an affiliate actual steal images from a porn movie cover once) and include promotional imagery like this:
It’s not terribly surprising to discover that this image,which is hosted on a major affiliate networking site that makes bold promises:
Is actually fetish art, literally off deviantArt*, and the fetish in this case is highly sexualized female gladiators brutally killing each other. This is apparently, a stock standard image that the affiliate site keeps on their servers just in case they get a client they think will match that.
I can’t be the only one who thinks this is all more than a little messed up that a major advertiser thinks this is a great generic fantasy game image. (I don’t even want to think how they found this image in the first place)
– wincenworks
Looks like somebody searched the dA image category of “artistic nude.” Even if we’re stretching suspension of disbelief for the “almost naked gladiator fighters” trope, the design is just… boring. They didn’t even put in the minimal effort of giving her some kind of insignia or blood splatter or anything.
-Icy
*The artwork can be found here. Please be warned that the linked deviantArt account features disturbing content including gore and sexualized death.
Okay, so technically Alma’s look is a “form” from Ninja Gaiden but I’m going to count it as armor because well it’s apparently an artificial look designed for battle and well once you beat her enough it does change and then, after more beating, it kind of melts off her as seen in this heart touching moment with her sister Rachel.
Butt shot included because it is literally how this character is pitched in the marketing materials for this game.
– wincenworks
