Posted on by Imported From Tumblr

Okay well the contest to caption the picture below is over and now comes the moment we’ve all been waiting for.  First I should say I’m very impressed with the creativity and vision of our entries.

Drow society is supposed to an EVIL matriarchy where the women hold all the positions of power and political influence, while men are treated as a servant class who’s value is measured by their usefulness to their female benefactors.  Because apparently nothing is more terrifying than a society where men are treated like women and vice versa. Yet in Dungeons and Dragons, and many similar franchises, always seem depict drow women going to ridiculous lengths to cater to the male gaze.  They dress not for comfort, practicality or to flaunt their wealth but rather to showcase their sexy - even when they’re supposed to focusing on misandry or being dangerous. But perhaps I am just being jaded and cynical, perhaps there is a simple explanation!  So I am running a contest and offering a Steam copy of Life Goes On - a game that perfectly encapsulates everything Bikini Armor Battle Damage stands for by combining gender equitable armor and gratuitous violence.  All you have to do is think up a caption and submit it either by Tumblr’s answer function or the Disqus comments below.  The competition will run for exactly seven days, and the winner will be judged by myself and announced the day after - all entries will be expected to adhere to our Submission Guidelines (specifically the “what is NOT welcome” section). - wincenworks So in 50 words or less what is going on with the drow in the picture up top?

And now the runners up.

Those is the spirit of EVIL and misandry:

heresalowerplace: “Fetish lingerie photoshoot for her girlfriend on a bed of dead dudes in order to fulfill the criteria for a sadist misandrist relationship?”

astaraeldarkrahblack: "It’s bad enough that some idiot stole everyone’s armor but there aren’t even enough males to act as proper meatshields.“ The queen of the drow says as her slaves fail to provide any protection for her.

sass-o-matic: "Man, crowd-surfing is hard when everyone’s bowing down to you" 

Those that tapped into the world of drow fashion:

gsiverio: "Please, Matriarch! Let us don high heels too!” “Nevah!" 

dissolvingintothesky: "How do you think we get these glorious tans living underground for centuries? Okay men, topside!”

rayguncourtesan: "If you think i’m walking in THAT with this outfit on, you’ve another thing coming sunshine!“

osr-rpg-wtf: "These boots are ridiculous. You three there, use him as a palenquin and take me to the shoe store." 

Those went for high fantasy, high creativity:

Yi Sun-sin:
"This enemy is too strong for us. We need to find something now!”
“Power Drow Rangers, let us assemble into the Megadrow!”
“Woah, that Megadrow make flesh golems look agile and well-proportioned.”
“Too… heavy… cannot… stand… up…”

mitulita: "Why, no, I am not a ‘heap of women’! I am actually a multi-headed, multi-armed goddess. Also, it is hard for me to get clothes on!“ 

shimaspawn: "Ok, so maybe cheerleaders for Lloth was a bad idea, but the human pyramid had been going so well until the clasps on her greaves broke.”

mashiarasdream: "Slave-Leia is coming over for dinner? We better make her feel welcome by dressing like her!“

cortair: "Drow Jenga”

Those that I sincerely hope are not mistaken as serious suggestions and incorporated into canon:

ironbite4: “In order to become a spider lady, the drow female must shed most of her clothing to absorb the males around her.”

Aramis Dagaz: “Drow sorceresses have poor senses of balance due to the dark pacts with demons. To compensate, they wear pieces of armor to act as counterweights, but they still require teams of drow men to dive on the floor to prevent injury during the inevitable falls (for the sorceresses, that is).”

The winner is David J, who combined misandry and old school fairy tales:

image

Congratulations David J, please contact me on my personal tumblr to collect your prize.

– wincenworks