[Please take note that the commentary is just for fun. Bunch of sarcasm. Don’t take it too seriously. I am getting tired of these outfits, though.]
1. The classic Bikini Armor. If you’re lucky you might get an actual shoulder-pad! If the designers even bother doing something more than just a regular bikini, you might get some accessories with stilettos! Exactly what I want in battle. For a extra nice touch; cameltoe.
2. The Lingerie ”Armor”. There’s absolutely nothing that protects you, but it looks really uncomfortable and nice in bed battle! Complete with some feathery, useless shoulder pads!
3. The ever so Stylish Swimsuit! This is usually the armor you get before you get the upgrade Bikini Armor. Bonus points if a choker, thigh-high boots/stockings and a half mask is included!
4. The Abstract Art. Yes, we’re all wondering how the hell that works; how does that thing stay on, how does she walk with those shoes, how on earth is that supposed to protect her and why is half of her naked? All those questions is a part of the costume! They say art say more than thousand words.. or something!
5. The Dominatrix and/or Slave outfit! For those kinky players out there! Complete with leather or latex, fishnets, chains, chokers and whips! Bonus points of the stilettos are sky-high!
6. The StereotypeShaman or Barbarian! Because she’s clearly so wild and ~exotic~ that she doesn’t need clothes! Best worn with tiny loincloth and underboob-straps!
7. The Cute Frilly Dress! Something you’d LOVE to wear, CONSTANTLY…. in battle! Usually the female “robe” costume, but hey, robes doesn’t show her nice legs! ): For absolute effect, add garterbelts.
8. I call this the Why?. Everything is so massive and made of thick material, but we wouldn’t want to cover her girly parts now, would we? Clearly NO ONE would be aiming there!
9. Nature Thing Something. If you’re not of human race and belong to the nature, expect your outfit to look something like this! Feel completely exposed free! I didn’t even bother with this one, but clearly they don’t even do that in games either. But since you’re not human, it’s totally okay!
10. This is best known as “Just In Case You Forgot”. Have a decent looking outfit, but then they suddenly cut obvious holes around your privates, just reminding you that you have breasts, a butt and a vagina! How nice of them! Bonus if you don’t have a boob-hole, but instead boob-chest-plate!
11. The Everyday Archer! A very classic outfit, complete with a corset and a mini-skirt! Don’t forget the cape, but heavens forbid that you wear it longer than your hips! Then we wouldn’t be able to see your nice butt or legs from behind! *sad face*
12. The Creative Healer! She isn’t supposed to be in close-combat, and sometimes doesn’t even use weapons other than a staff, so minimal armor is understandable… that’s why we give you a dress that leaves you wondering how that thing stays on, and with a leg-slip-thing! We wouldn’t want you to forget you have legs, after all!
13. And finally, your Average Sci-Fi chick! This one is an absolute classic. It has weird cut-outs everywhere, extreme cleavage, patterns pointing to your crotch and chest, and CRAZY shoes! Don’t forget the skin tight, often nearly-transparent, glossy fabric. Perfect battle wear, absolutely perfect!
Obligatory reblog.
One of the best tumblr posts EVER, hands down. An illustrated guide for sexist female warrior costumes.
Posted on
It’s probably fair to say that women in fantasy RPGs are the industry’s most highly endangered species.
I mean, these are women who take on entire monster-infested dwarven mines wearing nothing but a bit of moulded plate metal over their chests and a chainmail g-string.
If it’s not disembowelling, it’s probably going to be some kind of really nasty infection from all that… chafing.
One example that always sticks in my mind are the two Kingdom Under Fire games on the Xbox (great games dumb armour especially on the dark elves). The one character that sticks out for me though is Ellen who gets a bit of a patch job between games.
From the first game:
From the second:
Its the same plate lingerie but between games someone decided got to put chain mail over all her exposed skin.
I’m struggling to find the words for this… In theory it is an improvement of some kind, but what is covering exposed skin with ridiculously close-fitting chainmail (patterned latex?) actually supposed to help with? Especially when her boobplate, chain thong and two-inch heels are still there?
It takes more than just covering the character to cure her design from sexualization.
Well, at least she acquired a helmet (a part of armor so often omitted on fictional warriors of all genders), I’ll give her that.
EDIT: Submitter noted on that little gem too:
It’s also a bit odd in-universe because the 2nd image is from a prequel game. So between games chronologically she decided to stop wearing the chain-mail and helmet. In retrospect probably a bad decision.
edit 2: Minor re-wording of the part about helmets, to make it more gender inclusive.
Warhammer 4000 can be simply described as every adolescent male fantasy put into a blender and upgraded to the point of complete ridiculousness and unintentional parody. One case of latter can be found in Sisters Repentia.
Sisters of Battle. Army of Emperor-Worshipping warrior nuns in powered armors, that can kick as much asses as Space Marines, despite not having any superpowers.
There are many issues concerning treatment of Sisters by the creators, often way to willing to express their misogyny by having entire units of those fearless, competent soldiers slaughtered by personifications of testosterone-poisoned mind’s greatest dreams, that are Space Marines, for whatever bullshit reason writer did (or didn’t) made up. Or have single Space Marine destroy with one blow a monster hundreds of Sisters couldn’t stop. But, despite all that crap, Sisters are rarely presented in anything else than power armor. Sure, said power armor is heavy stylized and has all failing of boobplate, but overall Sisters are supposed to look badass first, and attractive later. For aesthetics presented everywhere else they don’t look so bad and much more sensible than warrior women from many other works of fiction.
That is pretty admirable, you might say. They could just easily put them into bikini or BDSM gear and call it a day, it’s not as if in game deploying the most ridiculous aesthetics possible and clearly aimed at twelve years old, both physically and mentally, wouldn’t get away with it, right?
The thing is, they actually decided to have both. Let me introduce you to Sisters Repentia:
Who are those girls, you ask? Let’s have their wiki entry say it all:
The Sisters Repentia are fanatical, self-mutilating warriors who serve within the Orders Militant of the Adepta Sororitas. Having failed or fallen short of the strict religious codes expected to be followed by the Sisters of Battle sometime in their past, Repentia Sisters seek to earn the Emperor of Mankind’s grace once more through self-flagellation and finding a glorious death in the heat of battle. Though ultimately outcasts within their own Order, they are none the less revered by their fellow Sisters, who see them as pilgrims seeking the absolution of death and ultimate sacrifice in the name of the God-Emperor.
To put it simply, Sisters Repentia are the Sisters of Battle who somehow have fallen and now want to redeem themselves by glorious death in battlefield. One thing you can notice about them is lack of armor. In fact, they aren’t allowed to wear armor. I think the quick comparison between two sides of Sisters will show how much difference exist between two orders’ gears:
Sisters of Battle:
Sisters Repentia:
This is unintentionally the best satire on fantasy armor I can imagine. Sister Repentia go, no, charge, into the battle with things like this, almost stark naked in order to get killed. Their reason to wear an outfit that makes teenage boys feel strange in their pants? They want to die. Not retaining their movibility. Not retaining their agility. Not trying to be sneaky assassins striking from behind. Not any “They’re soo good they don’t need armor”. Not even “It’s magic, I don’t have to explain it”. They. Want. To. Die. They literally carry a death wish. Even empire that literally believes telling people to shoot Orcs with flashlights is a good idea thinks that fighting in such outfit equals suicide.
Sometimes a Sister Repentia can earn herself right to return to regular Sisters of Battle and get her armored pants and shirt back, but such cases are so rare each of them is worshiped as a legendary hero. And should be. Because if a girl is so badass she managed to survive not one, not two, but at least dozens of battles wearing something so stupid and inconvenient like this
then she truly deserves to be wearing something so awesome like this
PS:I decided to add some pictures of actual game models. Game mechanics actually make the situation even funnier in a a meta way – while Sisters of Battle got several updates on the rules, Sisters Repentia still operates on outdated rulebook, effectively making them one of the worst units in the game. And really, why should Space Egyptian Terminators even notice army of naked women who will be shoot down before they manage to run half of the distance between them
while army of well-trained, armored soldiers is just greeting their mechanical foot troops with heavy artillery
Edit: Included credit to the submitter (it’s the oldest submission I have, one I got before started formatting parts by submitters as quotes).
