reply – Page 5 – Bikini Armor Battle Damage

April 12, 2014

Repeat after me, kids:

There is no reason to design jet shoes as 4-inch heels.

There is no reason to design jet shoes as 4-inch heels.

There is no reason to design jet shoes as 4-inch heels.

There is NO REASON to design jet shoes as 4-inch heels.
THERE IS NO REASON TO DESIGN JET SHOES AS 4-INCH HEELS.

Think for a moment before you jump in to argue that the heels are justified with the fire launchers inside.

Cause you’re making yourself look silly. Sillier than a 6’3’’ space bounty hunter running around in sky-high heels; and that’s saying something.

Those shoes could literally look like whatever and still serve the same function for the gameplay!

Also: their color scheme clashes awfully with the rest of zero suit.

~Ozzie

Also, briefly, let’s consider the visual language of the Metroid franchise and particularly the character Samus prior to the ugly heels event.

This is a jetpack (x):

These are space jump boots (x):

This is a missile attack (x):

These are the “Jet boots” (x):

One of these things is not like the other,
One of these things just doesn’t belong!

– wincenworks

edit: a reader left some commentary worth sharing:

sianea replied to your post: Repeat after me, kids:

Not to mention that those ain’t even boots, it looks like just attached heels. There’s nothing there that suggests to me that those are full shoes and not just some bits strapped onto her suit like some sort of bizarre addition.

April 10, 2014

hyratel replied to your photo “For the record: BABD is generally not devoted to reviewing personal…”

Costume Design Community Service seems to be either shut down or on hiatus, they’re a blog intended for this kind of review

Yup. I would recommend submitting the designs for to costumecommunityservice if not for the fact that this blog (which I highly recommend, BTW) stopped doing the reviews (went on hiatus with them?). Though it’s pretty understandable why, reviewing art takes a lot of time and effort (that’s why both of my reviews weren’t published right away).

~Ozzie

April 10, 2014April 23, 2018

April 4, 2014

A new rule of thumb:

If you wouldn’t look impressive holding a bunny, you’re not going to look impressive holding a weapon.

– wincenworks

(I don’t know how this tumblr quote thing works, forgive me if I’m doing it wrong but I really want this quote here)

from bikiniarmorbattledamage (x)

(via am1vf)

I’m thinking about running a contest where people swap out weapons or other props with bunnies to highlight the absurdity of outfits.

Would folks be interested?

– wincenworks

March 25, 2014

Maybe I’m weird, but I always worry about bikini armor girls dealing with menstrual stuff. I know I wouldn’t want to run around in a metal g-string at that time of the month…

Nah, it’s totally not weird to be worried about a legit anatomical problem.

As we learned from The Chainmal Chick, actual panties made from chainmail are out of the question, considering how absolutely uncomfortable (chafy and pinchy!) they would be… It’s safe to assume similarly with any other kind of underwear made of metal or other material not suitable for it… especially if it’s a g-sting/thong.

But then again, we can probably safely assume that any work of fiction conveniently omits certain bodily functions as “too gross” to ever address on-screen/page…

That said, it would definitely be entertaining to see, for example, a video game that decided to acknowledge most of their thong-clad heroines have functioning uteri and thus make them wear something comfortable and conservative regularly for like 1/6 of the gameplay!

You want gritty realism, AAA gamers? Then there aren’t many grittier things about everyday real life than periods! >-D

~Ozzie

edit: Slight rewording of the initial sentence to make it more inclusive.

March 23, 2014

That post about “attractive armor without bikini” actually left me wondering: why would you actually want an attractive armor? Sure, everyone loves an aesthethically pleasing armor, but we can’t just forget that armor is mostly made to be, well, intimidating. It’s supposed to make people both safer in combat and also more powerful. Not having to battle – because you look so threatening or even downright unbeatable – is some 40% of the purpose of an armor piece. Why does it need to be attractive?

Regarding: this post

That’s actually a very good question! In short, the answer is (and better get your body ready for that)…

Believe it or not, some of the Female Armor Rhetoric Bingo arguments hold up under specific circumstances.

But let’s set some things straight first: armor is done primarily to be protective.
It sure helps if the design makes the wearer intimidating enough to make the opponents surrender right away, but at its core it was invented as a physical barrier between a person and whatever or whoever threatens their life or health.

That doesn’t mean there isn’t a place for decorative armor in the history. Highly ornamented muscle cuirass (male equivalent of boobplate) was designed to impress and worn by high-standing officers during non-battle special occasions, like parades.

That said, in the world of fiction the distinction between purely functional and decorative armor is not necessary. It’s not real, and unless the setting of choice is gritty life-like naturalism, the armor (and any other design) needs just to be believable, not realistic. We commented on it before.

This is where those two bingo squares come in. Fictional worlds, especially the more fantastic ones, can be stylized, sometimes even to ridiculous degree, as long as all of the world is consistent with its level of stylization.
That’s why it’s not inherently bad to have people fight monsters in G-strings… It just needs to all make sense within its own narrative and preferably not be gendered (which basically never happens).

Hope that answers it.

~Ozzie

March 15, 2014

What is your opinion regarding the Adepta Sororitas’ (Warhammer 40k) armor? The flaws that I can see are their boob-sock-plate-torpedo-things and the general lack of a helmet. Are there any other flaws that you can point out? The ask does not allow links, or I just do not know how to properly add one, sorry. :<

Here’s why I’m not the person to ask such questions, in case you missed the note…
…BUUUUT it just happens that the very first submission to this blog was a very comprehensive article my friend wrote about Sisters of Battle, especially Sisters Repentia.

In short, Warhammer 40k is pretty ridiculous by definition, but regular Sisters have surprisingly decent armor (for the standards of such setting, that is), with the only major fault being the boobplate…
With Sisters Repentia though, as much as the idea of redemption by death is interesting, there is no reason why their death-wish outfits need to be the skimpy, pants-lacking, physics-defying… uh, this:

Edit: Valuable comments by yanavaseva

yanavaseva

replied to your post:

And these aren’t even the most blatant sisters repentia outfits I’ve seen. As of regular sisters of battle, sometimes they are drawn with high heels, but on the other hand, sometimes they have helmets and not a boobplate, so this balances it out.

March 10, 2014

dancing-clockwork-puppy:

bikiniarmorbattledamage:

Female Armor BINGO (downloadable PDF) by OzzieScribbler (yours truly)

As a special present for Bikini Armor Battle Damage first anniversary, I present to you: Female Armor BINGO!

Feel free to use as a reference to quantify how ridiculous any female armor is.

edit: Updated the link into downloadable PDF!

Breakdown of all the squares under the cut.

Read More

bikiniarmorbattledamage, this is funny yet sadly true. Can you make one for male armor? Some of the stuff these guys where is ridiculous and OTT.

There’s actually a whole blog devoted to that 😉

March 10, 2014

prehensilemoustache:

socks-and-my-other-obsessions:

bikiniarmorbattledamage:

Female Armor BINGO (downloadable PDF) by OzzieScribbler (yours truly)

[…]

Read More

I feel like I need to make sure to cover as many of these spots as I can in one of my future games >:3

Did some rough concept work for you.

You win at life XD Or at the very least at the bingo.

Though why did you give her underwear at all? That’s two wasted squares ;(

Had to check up if you were joking, prehensilemoustache, as your friend socks-and-my-other-obsessions seems to get this idea worryingly straight (warning to the readers: NSFW blog, best to not approach).

Dear socks-and-my-other-obsessions, I’m not-so-sad to inform you that industry beat you to it and created a game like this… or maybe a few hundred games like this. I lost count 😛
There’s nothing more to contribute in that matter.

March 9, 2014

People are going to miss the point always, forever and ever…

So, now whenever someone tries to argue with the Female Armor Bingo in deviantArt comments, I play the Rhetoric Bingo with their arguments.

Gotta say that puts at least a little bit of fun in responding to those obtuse statements… Still, the amount of totally missing the point remains overwhelming. Some people literally respond under the Rhetoric Bingo with the very same rhetoric that’s used there…

Some when replied with a filled bingo card go either with “well THAT’S JUST YOUR OPINION” or “you are not right and those are not facts or logic, because I refuse to believe so”.

Here are miniatures of the cards I filled out with so far:

No-one so far scored a BINGO with their rhetoric, but in it probably won’t take long (look at how close the best one got)… If someone does, I’ll make sure to publish that Holly Grail of sexist apologia here in all its glory.