Tag: figure

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Time to come back to Sideshow Toys and probably their best example yet of how much amazing craftsmanship (that sculpt! the intricate paint job! the fabric and synthetic leather details!) can be wasted on super garbage design.
This time, a classic garbage that is Red Sonja in her standard scalemail bikini. 

How do the mail bra and loincloth even hold up with such flimsy straps?
What is the point of protecting your neck with metal collar when your heart, guts and skull are all totally exposed?
Why worry about reasonably padding your leg and arm protection, but wear a scalemail bra (that will sand your nipples off) directly on your skin?

“Looks nothing like male equivalent” checked, of course, because of Conan.
Not crossing out “High heels” square, since that (cw: gore) is a reasonable heel size for a horse riding and wouldn’t be out of ordinary for a male character either. 

Also note how all those arrows that apparently completely missed Sonja, presumably due to her “costume” being more of a plot armor than anything else.
Reminds me of those couple “bikini armor makes you completely resistant to arrows” parodies we featured before: 

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Full comics to be viewed here: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5.

~Ozzie

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@silks-stuff submitted:

Awful WW design, 90% skin; DC Comics at it again

If only the men had the same outfits as WW!

Is that a big ol’ belly window in Wonder Woman’s already amazingly skimpy costume? Yes, it is. 

Are those super heavy armors on all the male characters, including Superman who’s way more invincible than Diana? Yes, they are. 

Truly, the double standard is but a cherry on top of the utter ugliness that is this overdesigned figure set.

This reminds me of the old Jimquisition video in which Jim uses another ridiculous Square Enix statue of egdelord Batman as a perfect metaphor for Squeenix’s skewed priorities in game and visual design: 

~Ozzie 

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fatherronaldknox submitted:

Statue by Sideshow Toys of Heavy Metal Taarna? I don’t know what she is but this is horrifying. 

Oh, Sideshow Toys and your intricately sculpted and painted figures of creepily sexualized women, we meet again…

Taarna is perhaps the most iconic character from the

boobalistic

cult classic 1981 Heavy Metal animated anthology. 

She’s arguably known best not for being a fierce warrior, but for having the most voyeuristic “gearing up” scene ever, complete with “romantic” music playing as she slowly and sensually dresses up from complete nudity to half nudity. 

[imagine a GIF in here, but it would be too NSFW to actually put one] 

Even her ComicVine description agrees what’s the character’s most prominent feature: 

A strong, beautiful warrior maiden who resolves to avenge a city destroyed by a horde of mutated barbarians.

Ew.

Surprisingly enough, in her final battle she does get seriously injured, so it’s safe to assume her bikini isn’t supposed to be actually protective.  

She’s just badass enough to fight while slashed across her exposed flesh. What benefit could she possibly get from wearing actual armor in the first place? NOT duelling a mutant warlord while bleeding to death, huh? Who’d want to see that? </sarcasm> 

~Ozzie

According to the statue description, this seems to be a post-Loc-Nar design, as it “includes mechanical elements and earthen details inspired by Taarna’s part in destroying the evil Loc-Nar.” So even after that fight where she dies, nobody batted an eye at giving her the exact same… “outfit.” 

Not to mention, those cuts look like something my cat might give me by accident. She has to be a beautiful warrior maiden, after all, and actual injuries are gross.

My favorite part of the description is this, however:

Although she is a silent hero, Taarna’s expression speaks volumes.  Her carefully sculpted portrait bears a look of grim determination, complete with the Taarakian mark tattooed on her neck.  Her windswept, silvery hair frames her face as she looks towards her next foe with silent fury.

Ah, yes, her expression.

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The expression that exists entirely in her eyebrows so that her face can stay unblemished. I guess I should be thankful that her face actually looks like it belongs to an adult.

-Icy

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giantpurplecat submitted:

I don’t know if this has been submitted yet, but I remembered this PVC statue while I was browsing the Nightwing tag on this site. This is the DC Comics Ikemen Nightwing statue; and for those of you who don’t know, Ikemen means “handsome men”. They also made sure to put in some extra detail on this statue.

Oh, the detail on this statue is quite good indeed. Lovingly sculpted, even.

And although this isn’t quite the comfortable, confident pose Nightwing deserves, the classic empowered T&A pose is a good effort.

-Icy

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giantpurplecat submitted: 

I got an email notification from Sideshow Toys and saw this statue featured in my email. I’m just questioning how that bra stays on and doesn’t snap and how the bones aren’t piercing her skin. (I imagine they would if she were to move around.) This also feels very BABD Bingo worthy. 

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It always disappoints me how much detail goes into making high quality figures of such shitty character designs.
Clearly people who translated this atrocity from the comic Fathom into 3D form put a lot more thought and hard work into the toy than late Michael Turner who came up with Aspen’s appearance in the first place.

I think it’s safe to say that we’ll be revisiting at least one figure from that collection sometime soon: 

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~Ozzie

Speaking of the description:

The Aspen Premium Format™ Figure stands 22” tall atop a helix of water, which swirls and swells under her command. Aspen is stepping through the surf with ease, with windswept hair and a comfortable, confident pose featuring semi-translucent legs as her aquatic abilities are at work. … Fans of the Fathom legacy will recognize Ernie the seahorse frolicking in the waves beneath her feet.

If that is indeed what the creators consider a “comfortable pose,” then they might want to consider doing professional gymnastics. But Ernie the seahorse is indeed the best part of this disaster.

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Can we get a solo Ernie statue, please?

-Icy