This Instagram account, mind_flayer_meltdown has been re-titling classic Dungeons and Dragons covers with hilariously accurate commentaries.  These particular examples are glorious.

Of course, sometimes they get political and it’s just perfect.

It’s easy to dismiss this as “product of its time” or just something of by-gone days, particularly as the current management of Wizards of the Coast and the connected companies have been very actively trying to do better – but its important to remember that these are essentially formative works both in tabletop roleplayiing games and fantasy in general.

That’s… that’s a problem.

– wincenworks

(h/t: Slovenly Trulls for drawing my attention to this gallery of masterpieces)
Specific sources: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6

felixdeon:

a painting inspired by Bieiris de Romans, a 13th century French poet, who wrote one of the few surviving lesbian love poems of the middle ages to a woman named Mary. A medieval romance.

a stanza from her famous poem to her lover:

Lovely woman, whom joy and noble speech uplift, and merit, to you my stanzas go, for in you are gaiety and happiness, and all good things one could ask of a woman

This artwork is beautiful for multiple reasons and I am glad that featuring a woman in a functional (if ornate) armor and helmet isn’t the biggest one of them. 

(NSFW warning for a lot of work by

Felix d’Eon, due to use of artistic nudity). 

~Ozzie

Good news everyone, dudes in the fandom agree that Morathi’s bingo breaking design needs some revision.  

Bad news everyone, dudes in the fandom specifically want her hands and bare feet to be cleaned up.

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There’s already a mod for that, but for some reason it also cleans up her make-up (which, like the darkness on her digits, is supposed to be an expression of her internal corruption).

Not to make it look like she’s not wearing any makeup but rather to make her look like she’s wearing a different, more low profile style of make-up that is frequently undetectable to my fellow straight dudes

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Something to think about the next time you see people claiming that it’s people who propose that diversity in representation is “pandering”.

– wincenworks

kainissoable:

I tried giving Umah from Blood Omen 2 some proper armour, design based broadly off the single piece of armour to her name – that weird double pauldron thing. Edited the bottom half of her bikini into a fantasy tabard, and if I’d thought to use a fuller screenshot I’d have put the dragon from her Defiance concept art on there, but thought of that way too late. Come up with your own reason for why she has the Soul Reaver, preferably one more interesting than the fact that it’s hiding some lop sided hip armour that would have been a pain to fix. Another case of not as good as I was hoping for but automatically an improvement on the bare skin chafing nightmare of the original.

Personally I ascribe to @bikiniarmorbattledamage‘s tongue in cheek philosophy that women in fantasy should be fully armoured while men should wear something tastefully revealing. Legacy of Kain at least gets halfway there with the well muscled men in leather pants, just a shame about the prevalence of bikini armour.

Wow, the original is a yikes, especially the huge boob part made from unidentifiable material. I guess it counts as better than most booplates we’ve  seen on BABD because there’s no boob window/exposed cleavage, but that’s one low bar to clear. Also, one huge grey boob blob on her chest is somehow extremely distracting and boring at the same time. At least put some symbol on it or something! 

I like your simplistic redesign, @kainissoable. If me or Icy were doing it we’d probably put some design (likely sampled from other part of the costume) on the breastplate, to break up this huge shape, which was also the original’s problem. It still works objectively better than the generic garbage the original was. 

~Ozzie 

ronnie92:

I’m a lady-type person with a large rack (Around european cup size 75j-80j). At this size binding doesn’t really work (at least for me – sports bras don’t really do enough either) What kind of armor you reckon would work best for a large bust?

bikiniarmorbattledamage:

I don’t have a lot of experience in building armor myself, but I reached out to a friend who’s been into extremely enthusiastic for several decades and happens to be a woman.  Her recommendation is a globose breastplate with padding for additional support.  Something like these:

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(Joan of Arc by Albert Lynch (x) and Knightess by TypeSprite (x))

It is possible that one made off a peg suit you, but more likely that you would need one custom made.  Regardless you’d be going to a smooth deflective curve such as in the illustrations above.  Plate armor like this is actually quite roomy in order to allow movement, so there’ll be plenty of room to add supportive padding.

Globose breastplates are held on with a harness, so with firm padding should be able to restrain even the mightiest bosom.  Similar armoring techniques were often used when making custom suits for rotund nobles,  Henry VIII of England armors show a gradually increasing girth throughout his life.

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(Photo by Chuck, King Henry VIII’s armor in the Tower of London’s Royal Armouries.)

– wincenworks

Today’s throwback: a question that comes up in our inbox and notes sometimes: whether large-breasted people need special adjustments in armor. 

Short answer is: YES, but it still would not be anything close to a boobplate

And a quick reminder that since all armor requires padding underneath, resulting in a

pretty uniform

silhouette across the genders, people with masculine and feminine figures can’t be easily told apart when in full armor. Height and weight of a person are much bigger factor in armor customization than secondary sex characteristics are. 

~Ozzie 

See also: How do I Armor? – Common Gender Signifiers and Armor | whole How do I Armor? comic post series | Resource & Reference tags