The hilarious front line in the tragic war against ridiculous female armor
Tag: cleavage
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Elvenar continues to be the kind of game with very standard, unsexy strategy gameplay and completely unrelated marketing imagery that is basically Fantasy Porn™ (read: standard for web ads).
And this is the sort of design that amazes me. The kind that covers over half of the Female Armor Bingo card, but doesn’t manage to score a single row. All while not being a full body image. We can only assume whether it would score high heels and/or thigh-high boots if we saw more of this poor poor lady.
~Ozzie
That is very uncomfortable-looking bondage clothing
I was frustrated with how Marvel’s Valkyrie was just a sequence of weird design decisions. This particular version ticked me off because they had the cool cuirass with the abs, but then the chafing and the metal boob cones…. ugh.
I started with fixing that chest armor: getting rid of the weird metal bra and adding cool (to me, anyway) shoulder guards. I wanted to give her a more powerful look. I added some small dangling leather straps to mirror those on her belt.
When it was time to fix her…. boots? I took the liberty of, at the same time, painting over poor Hel’s painful-looking <biggest air-quotes ever> “armor.” I actually started giving her a more reasonable breastplate but gave up. That would be a project all on its own.
Those leg ropes seemed very stupid to me, and they didn’t go with the rest of the design, so I gave her plate armor that kept the small shapes. I then gave her simple pants to be the large shape in the design. In hindsight, I feel like I should have gone through with the metal gauntlets I wanted to give her but bailed on.
Finally, I replaced her Generic Pout™ with a more determined expression. Now both ladies can go forth and fight whoever it is they’re fighting.
The tragic evolution of Sophitia’s costume (source unknown). Fortunately Sophitia was spared the indignity of whatever Soul Calibur V would have inflicted upon her.
I don’t understand… is there like an in house limit of how many female characters can be taken seriously per game? Or is the prophecy real?
– wincenworks
This week’s throwback, as the followup to Tira bingo, is the gradual downfall of Sophitia’s character design in Soul Calibur.
Saddest part (beside Hilde being an easy proof that SC can do female warriors well if they want to) is that this is by far probably least absurd and demeaning female costume change out of many in the franchise.
Remember when Taki exchanged her titninja full body condom for this… thing by Mari “Bayonetta isn’t sexist because a woman designed her” Shimazaki? Or almost anything Ivy wore after this? Yeah, they can and do get worse.
~Ozzie
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Heroes of Newerth’s Boudica Legionnaire Cleavage Johnson
This redesign happened on a day of very annoying technical difficulties. Since my computer was refusing to cooperate, I ended up reaching for some easy fix material to Heroes of Newerth, a game prominent for its creative bankruptcy. HoN’s image gallery is our emergency stash of subjects for bingos and/or streams.
This boobtastic, vaguely-Pict lady looked so amazingly generic that we didn’t care to look up whether she’s an actual named character (apparently she’s supposed to be queen Boudica’s legionnaire). Instead, we dubbed her Cleavage Johnson and I proceeded to fix her namesake.
All it did to make her look like a somewhat competent warrior was to cover her cleavage and belly (while making her armor not-boobplate and adding a bit of girth to her improbable waist), then giving her kilt a couple more inches and getting rid of its shmexy thigh cutout.
Frankly, while the changes were deliberately small and easy to do, I think just that little made her silhouette stand out from the background a bit more. Amazingly, bare skin and meaningless tribal tattoos* somehow didn’t prevent her from blending with the environment.
So… this latest version of Jeanne D’Arc (aka Joan of Arc) is apparently a dragon (hence the tail) but seems to also have incredibly ridiculous armor. Why does she look like a generic waifu? Um… honestly I have no idea, and I think I’m happiest not knowing – this is what the “main” dragons look like:
I’ve been trying to play the game since it came out, but the ridiculous outfits the ladies have are very distracting, and not in a “battle tactic” way; in a really off-putting way. And that’s without even talking about the game’s depiction of the protagonist’s sister.
Get this: the “plot” is that the villain kidnapped female characters from various SNK games, forcibly put them in fetishy costumes and makes them fight each other while he is watching as they feel completely humiliated.
Athena Asamiya’s default magical girl outfit is relatively tame in terms of showing skin (fetishization of girlish dresses is another issue entirely), but since there HAS to be at least one bikini-shaped look per character, the game makes up for it by giving her an alternative pre-existing costume of her namesake, Princess Athena from another game. As we all know, there can never be a single Athena in fiction >_>
Thong as a question mark because while the panties do not seem to be an actual g-string, those additional straps sure make it look more like stringy lingerie than comfortable underwear.
~Ozzie
Stay tuned, as one more SNK bingo is on its way… Now with extra trasphobia!
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If You Hate It, Then You Should Have Put a Sweater on It (and we did)
We wanted to do a silly stream where we put sweaters on a few poor ladies drawn for Applibot’s ridiculous requests. We apologize in advance for any discomfort caused by looking at the originals.
Hoo boy. The Rain Goddess, as she is called, from the Totally-Not-Collectible-Cheesecake-Game Legend of the Cryptids. (Although I couldn’t find her page on their wiki, maybe she was removed.) I have mixed feelings about this one, because on the one hand, I’m glad I could give her a sweater, but on the other, I end up scrolling past her original picture every time I look through my BABD image folder. It’s like looking into the Void. Or as the young’ins are calling it, a Cursed Image.
Since she’s a rain goddess (I guess? that’s what the artist called her), I googled “rain sweater” for inspiration, and found this lovely children’s sweater design.
It was perfect, really. Most of the stream time was spent rendering this out so that it would somewhat match the original style. If nothing else, the artist had a great technique. It’s a shame about the subject matter, is all.
The final touches were on her face, where I gave her more of a smirk instead of a pout, and made her mascara/eyeliner run a little.
May the Rain Goddess be comfy and warm in her bright rain sweater. While kneeling in the ocean. I couldn’t fix that part. Or her evolved form.
-Icy
There’s no-one who needs a cozy sweater more than Arctic Permafrost Empress (also from Legend of the Cryptids), both due to her icy domain and one of the most eyes-melting (:P) costumes.
I referenced some batwing sweaters for this, and since one-color garment looked a tiny bit bare, I decided to paint great tits similar to the ones from the Sadira redo post and made them into a fun puntastic print on the sweater. (Edit on the left)
I also changed her facial features to be more distinct and replaced her boring makeup with some blue face paint (which I only hope doesn’t appropriate any culture), just to make her tad more interesting than Random Supermodel #05867
Here’s the original artist’s blog post, with some references he used for the Empress’ design. Amazingly, seems like he came up with the weird lingerie shapes almost entirely on his own (or at Applibot’s request?).
I’m surprised that neither version wears 5-inch heels, but I’d assume that is because with such botched anatomy and pose, balancing her on ridiculous stilettos would just make the figure physically impossible to make.
~Ozzie
Post marked as sensitive, because there’s no way this figure is safe for work.
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Bingo-ing her was a bit of a challenge. Not necessarily because Slash checks out too little or too many squares, but because a lot of elements, like the original’s crotch window and the new version’s crotch belt would require custom bingo to actually score.
~Ozzie
So, some of my friends started Quake Champions and I figured… this should be relatively safe game. I mean, the original Quake guy had a cube for a head and Quake 3 was… well for you kids who don’t remember the 20th century, it was what we killed our friends in before Fortnite and PUBG. The games industry has moved on in a lot of ways since then.
But apparently Slash’s outfit design (originally from Quake 3) has not moved on… just like, weirdly sideways and swapping out a garter-belt dress for a crotch belt. (and like… a leather garter belt under spandex shorts as well)
Please take a moment to consider how uncomfortable that would be to wear normally. Like, just standing around.
Now remember that Quake is the property that originally popularized (in first person shooters anyway) the gaming stunt we know as the “rocket jump” where one sets off an explosion underneath themselves mid-jump so the force of the explosion will launch them up.
For those of you typing comments frantically, yes it is true that Quake has never placed much emphasis on realism or even making sense – but I’m supposed to grimace in pain when I get gibbed with a rocket… not when I open up the character selection screen.
Hence it is now one of the few games/properties/products which I truly wish would return all the way back to it’s roots and the glory of 1996.
