The hilarious front line in the tragic war against ridiculous female armor
Tag: Character Design
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Hyrule Warriors – A Link to the Pants, Part 1
Hyrule Warriors has been on our radar for some time, so we finally decided to try making its female characters live up to the game’s name. Basically only Impa is anywhere close to consistent with how male warriors are depicted, while other ladies at best look like they’re on a runway rather than battlefield, and at worse are Cia the Boobplate Witch.
Linkle
First planned either as female version of Link or his sister, Linke apparently ended up as a separate character who just happens to be very similar to him… And also to many other green archer ladies, especially the Elf fromDragon’s Crown.
Her final costume is quite fashionable, just not very functional when directly compared to how Link presents in this game, wearing layers of armor, including chainmail under his green tunic.
While all she gets is short poofy sleeves and the fetishy “absolute territory” of bared flesh between a her skirt/shorts and thigh-high boots.
So, of course, my aim with her redesign was to give her some layers and basic armor while retaining her individual fashion sense.
Now her poofy white blouse is gambeson padding that she wears chainmail over, much like Link does. And the poofy sleeves are bigger, cause why not?
Speaking of sleeves, she also gets some additional orange undershirt that matches her skirt. And her gloves got a lot longer, to cover her forearms from harm. Sorry for the botched shading on chainmail, I copied it from Link, but didn’t have time to re-shade properly… or to layer it in a way that makes sense ?
Finally, poofy pants, to match the sleeves, and to properly protect her legs. Covered with some more layering of chainmal and longer skirt. And the boots have functional knee-high length now.
All in all, with the amount of edits this went through, I’m not unhappy with the results. Hope you guys like it too!
yes i am a big advocate for realistic clothes and armor in media like
this is perfect and? extremely fucking hot
but also ive never seen anything hotter than when geralt is fighting without his armor and instead in tight pants and several of his shirt’s buttons undone and i want every fight scene from here on like that
Put the women in full plate armor, put the men in open-front shirts and tight leather pants.
Seriously. Both are sexy. Give me full plate armored women. PLEASE.
Give me open shirt, tight pants on men who wield a sword.
I will fucking eat that up like it’s my last meal.
This ties in quite nicely to a recent fiasco where a guy named Andrew Klavan, who is apparently an author of some sort, made an even more ignorant than usual rant. It was about about how he hated the show because he considered it “unrealistic” that the women – particularly GoddessQueen Calanthe, were shown as capable of winning sword fights or doing a sword fight (it’s not clear).
Swords YouTube was united in their rejection of this notion – not just for his hilariously inaccurate claims about equipment but also because they unanimously agreed there are three major factors that decide who’s likely to come out of a battle second-best, and who gets to live:
Quality of training
Quality of equipment
Luck
Obviously a queen of a nation that regularly has battles and skirmishes would certainly have access to the best training, and commission the best quality armor – and we can all agree to that anyone who is born into royalty is lucky.
¹ If you’re wondering why one of the bigger, more self important names may be missing, its because hes already made his stance on women pretty clear – and it’s bad.
So, the creators of Divinity 2: Save the Boobplate … sorry Divinity 2: Girls don’t play video games… sorry Divinity 2: Original Sin have shown off a couple of hours gameplay for Baldur’s Gate 3… and this is the iconic character in the intro sequence before you pick/create a character.
Which means aside from being in this atrocity, she also gets the dubious honor of being the character who we see as a fellow prisoner having a parasite implanted via her eye (then the first person scene implies its happening to you, even though she is playable as one of the pre-generated characters).
Aside from the obvious mountain of baggage to unpack about women as victims, ridiculous armor for women – accurate for men, etc. There’s something else I’d like to point out which is probably not going to be obvious for anyone who isn’t a huge Dungeons and Dragons nerd.
Lae’zel is a githyanki, basically a near human but not human “alien” race from another dimension with a long history and pile of lore which actually makes the whole scene worse. However, what I wanted to cover is this is what female githyanki look like in the current 5th Edition Dungeons and Dragons art:
So for this character, Larian Studio’s entire design process has been:
Remove all muscle tone and threatening aspects of appearance
Make the worst armor more ridiculous but cutesy and hyper-feminine
Great job at depicting a race where all members are raised as warrior from birth.
Why are people calling the people story tellers again?
– wincenworks
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Zenescope – Sweater Edition Part 2
Nataliya the Witch (I think)
“I think” because she looks completely different every time she’s drawn. Doing a quick Google search, I found the following:
Cue the confused Funky Kong noises.
Based on the crown and sometimes the nose ring, let’s assume this is her. So, her backstory is that she’s a Romani witch, I guess. The comic synopsis blurb on the Zenescope website uses a different word, ~ guess which one it is. ~ ? I did not know about this “backstory” when I was doing the redesign, which means it doesn’t exist anymore. Yay!
My version is a smarmy doesn’t-talk-much-unless-it’s-to-insult-you gal.
She’s got like 18 accents she switches between depending on who she’s talking to. Whenever someone asks her where she’s from (probably cause of an accent), she gives a different answer. Her motivation is to get out from her service to the Tarot, and her relationship with them has this undercurrent of bare minimum tolerance. She doesn’t even like the main character dude, but she helps him undermine the Tarot for her own reasons. She’s probably a lesbian, and her character arc involves her learning to work together with others and maybe warming to the idea of coffee dates.
Now for the actual design. I did try to fix her body as much as I could in the time we had. I decided to give her a more edgy sweater to match the face changes I did, because I just couldn’t stand that makeup and TEENY NOSE. What is this, a nose for ants?? I ended up giving her some whiskers, cause sometimes a girl has a ‘stache (I personally remove mine), and it just looked nice with her face shape.
I also included the bra straps since the sweater wouldn’t be able to cover them, and you don’t want to chafe your nips. If this fantasy universe can have whatever the hell is the original version, it can have bras.
I really do like this bad girl look I ended up giving her, considering I have not even an iota of a clue, of what the original design was supposed to convey (besides maybe an Elektra ripoff, in the comic itself). I think Ozzie suggested the final touch of the middle finger, aimed squarely at Zenescope. ?
-Icy
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Disgaea’s Beastmaster
As far as I can tell, Disgaea’s character designs are the general off-the wall JRPG goodness… and badness. In fact, some character concept art makes it look like straight-up hentai game (which no, it isn’t), and out of them, this is one of the few I feel comfortable with bingoing without sliding BABD straight into NSFW category or breaking Tumblr’s hilarious nipple ban rule (yes, really – do not open in public).
Fun fact: Beastmaster, who can at least afford underwear, is a “humanoid” class
I’ll give them that – putting a really strange top/suspender/garter on a regular bikini, so that it holds up lower halves of otherwise nonexistent pants (how do they keep shape?), is at least creative way to display all that gratuitous flesh. I just feel sorry for how chilly she must be all the time. And for her upper spine, cause, wow, that suspender thing is held up entirely just by her neck, not even shoulders. So uncomfortable!
